Lost and Found
by x-Eme-x
Summary: Edward returns to Forks after a two year absence, but Bella is not in Forks. She is in a mental institution.
1. To return

Summary: Edward Returns to Forks after a two year absence, but Bella is not in Forks. She is in a mental institution.

Chapter one: Returning

A/n: I decided to work post this story, being that my first Twilight story, 'Connections' did not get any more reviews, and I'm doing some re-work with it, so I hope you like it...

* * *

"…_that no matter how far away we are I would always know if something was wrong with Bella… but Edward what I should have told you along time ago is that I've not been able to see anything having to do with Bella for six months now…"_

Alice's words flashed through my mind – over and over. She was right. She should have told me that as of six months ago she could not see Bella anymore. It would have been just the incentive I needed to head back to Forks, well at least I was now, and that was all that mattered, as Esme had put it. I was driving back to Forks… back to Bella.

I released one hand off of the steering wheel, and reached inside my jacket.

_Still there_

Like I could lose anything, but it next to Bella, it felt like the most real thing right now.

"…_Edward I know how much you love Bella, but we know nothing about what has happened in the past two years, but if anything this is the next step. Show her that you really love her. This is the best way to show a commitment."_

Of one the many things I thought of with Bella, this was high on my list. Most definitely. Esme had given me an engagement ring. It was absolutely perfect – perfect for Bella. A thin silver band with a cluster of diamonds.

But would marriage be the next step, would there even be a next step? I could only hope.

I felt the velvet box encasing the ring once more, and then put my hand back on the wheel. My foot lightly tapped the gas pedal increasing my speed. I was forty-five minutes away from Forks, but my eagerness to see Bella made me want to lessen that time.

* * *

Nothing in Forks has changed in the past two-years, except for Bella's room. When I arrived to her house, no one was home. So I went inside through the front door. I was ready to smell Bella's scent along with Charlie's, but there was more Charlie then Bella.

Bella's room. I could smell a bit of her, but it was as her scent was faded. The room had not been used in a while for it was very clean and collecting dust at the same time.

I felt like I wanted to panic, but I could control myself. Was the answer right in front of me? Alice had said that she had not seen Bella in over six months, and that was the same way everything in this room set off. Could she be gone? It was a great possibility, but not much seemed to be taken from the room – then again Bella did not bring much to Forks when she moved here.

"Bella," I spoke nonchalantly into open dead space, even though knowing she was not here to respond.

I scanned the room once more and stopped at her desk. On it set a manila file folder, labeled _'willow harbor'_ written in black ink.

There was something about that name that just sounded very not like Bella. I glided my way to the desk, and picked up the folder. Yep, maybe this could give me some kind of clue; after all it had not been touched in about six months.

I was getting ready to open the folder, but dropped at the very familiar sound of Bella's old-rusted truck. With an immediate smile I darted out of her room, but stopped at the stairs for a moment. I would have to proceed with caution. I would try to proceed with caution.

I slowed my pace going down the stairs listening as the door of the truck slammed shut, and then quickened my pace. Two-years was along time, and Bella probably would not be happy to see me in her house like this. So I turned back around, and as quick as I could I went back to Bella's bedroom, out the window and around to the front house.

I could hear trudging footsteps on the small set of stairs. It was now or never.

"Bella."

The footsteps came to a halt stopping dead in place.

"Edward?" They spoke in a voice that was definitely not Bella.

"H-Hello Charlie."

**Like it… **

**I hope you do. Please leave a review, let me know what you think. Plus reviews equal incentive for faster updates. I'll probably do a lot of updates though, since this is the month of Christmas, and the closer Christmas comes, the busier I'll get… so chapter two might be up sooner than you think. Thanks.  
**


	2. Confusion, sadness, and anger

WOW! Those reviews rocked! Thanks you… thank you… thank you!

A/n: This chapter is short, but next chapters are all longer.

Summary: Edward Returns to Forks after a two year absence, but Bella is not in Forks. She is in a mental institution.

Chapter two: Confusion, anger, and sadness.

"_H-Hello, Charlie."_

I couldn't believe it! Why would Charlie be driving Bella's truck? Where was Bella?

"Edward," He spoke again, but this time he sounded angry.

"Edward Cullen… Bella had always though you'd come back." He turned around on the steps and just stared at me.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm really glad that Bella is not here anymore," He spoke this time in utter sadness.

_Not here anymore… where was she?_

"Chief Swan, where is she?" I asked as simple as I could.

"No where that you need to be concerned."

"I am concerned… I need her, I came back for Bella."

"You came back for Bella," His sadness turned into anger, again. "After the way you left her, the pain not only inflicted physically, but emotionally too."

'_I would thank Sam everyday for finding Bella in woods. This kid is very lucky that I don't have my gun.'_

I was now listening to Charlie's thoughts. I suppressed a laugh for a bullet would not do any damage to me. With that aside, I focused on the first part of his thought process. Sam… Bella… Woods… I could only think of that being the day I left her. Did she get lost? I should have known better.

"Well maybe I can help fix that. Help Bella," I said nonchalantly

"Help, HELP MY DAUGHTER!" He was beyond fury now as he exited the stairs. He was off the stairs quicker than I expected for a human, but his hands rose into the air like he getting ready to grab me. I could not let him touch me, but I could not be too quick to get away either, without revealing something of myself. Once he was an inch from touching me I side-stepped him. He was lost for a moment, and finally found my direction. But this time I had my hands up in stopping motion.

"Chief Swan, ple…"

"You say you want to help MY DAUGHTER, but you are the reason that she is not here. YOU ARE THE REASON that she in the condition she's in."

'_After the way Sam found her in the woods, I never would have thought she would go back in the woods again, but what happened in the woods the second time was way much worse than the first time, but I still blamed this kid.'_

I slowly put my hands down, I did not know if this would be a good thing or not – but now I was really worried – but maybe if I made Charlie more mad maybe I could learn more about Bella. The word _condition_ did not lift my spirits when it came to my beloved, Bella.

"I promise you, I would have never left or let Bella be in any kind of condition," I spoke very earnestly.

"You just don't get it, Edward."

That was the first time he did not call me 'kid', if he only knew, but now was he trying to get me to play dumb. I've been gone two-years, and I know better than to expect a warm welcome, but the only thing that mattered was Bella.

"Sir… Uh Charlie. The biggest mistake of my life was leaving, but I had my reasons. And now I'm back. Back for Bella. She is all that matters right now."

'_She is all that matters, next to her mother. Isabella… my daughter was the one thing I ever really cared for in my life.'_

A train thought that I actually liked. Something that we could agree on when it came to the subject of Bella.

I was hopefully getting close to more answers.

"I'm sorry Edward, but I don't think you can help Bella, and I really don't want to have to say it a thousand times over, but you are partly the reason that she is gone, and I mean gone in more ways than one," Charlie spoke very calm this time around, but I still was very confused.

"Then what is the other part, the other reason that Bella is gone?" I asked.

"I think she has to be the one to tell you that."

Yes! I was getting somewhere…

_Just keep talking Charlie. Tell me where Bella is._

'_Willow Harbor'_

'Willow Harbor.' The same name that was written on the manila file folder in Bella's room.

'Willow Harbor', that had to be a place. Possibly, maybe it's were Bella's at right now.

"If she needs to be the one to tell me that, then I need to where she is."

Charlie turned away from me, and let out a deep sigh. He was very sad, but nervous. I could hear his hear rate accelerate rapidly. He was either scared or nervous, but what Charlie said next, I was not prepared for.

"Edward, Bella is in a mental institution."

**I know, some cliffhanger… being that mental institution is in the summary, but that's how I wanted to end the chapter for a suspense feeling on Edwards POV. Bella will be in the next chapter. **

**The next chapters will also be longer, so please leave a review.**


	3. Willow Harbor

Those reviews are amazing, and just make me happy! So, thanks you! Here is chapter three.

A/n: Willow Harbor, the place of Bella's mental institution. I'm keeping it in Washington, and I did some map googling but could not find a city that fit what I needed for it, so I made up one.

* * *

Chapter three: Willow Harbor

"_Edward, Bella is in a mental institution."_

If it was possible, I might have fell too the ground. I was completely shocked. I never would have thought Bella would end up in a mental institution. No, there was no way it was possible. Bella was supposed to move on with her life, with a bright future. But now that future was dark and cloudy.

Charlie had said I was the reason that Bella is in the mental institution. I did not think my leaving could have done that much damage. Guess I was wrong.

"…_you still have a lot to learn, Edward." _

Another set of words ran through my mind yet again. I never expected to hear something like that from Rosalie. Rosalie _hated_ Bella. This was something Rosalie had told me a half-year into my relationship with Bella. I had made Bella mad; mad over something I did not think would anger her. I had gone home that day to talk to my family about it, and Rosalie's words were the one's that always stayed with me.

I had a lot to learn and understand, but _understanding _seemed to be the main part of my confusion and shock – shock that Bella was in a mental institution.

I did not get very much more out of Charlie after he told me about Bella. He told me that Bella was very depressed after I left, and he hinted at something else but I would have to find out about that on my own. Still though, Charlie became increasingly undecided on letting me know the location of 'Willow Harbor', so I snuck back into Bella's room and copied the address from the manila file folder. _Harlen_ was only four hours away from Forks, and I would get there in less than that, but I drove slower than usual for I was still in shock and had to talk too Carlisle.

"Please Carlisle. Please tell me you can get something, anything?"

"_Edward, I'm trying okay. Give me a minute."_

The moment I hit the gas pedal and sped away Bella's _home_ I called Carlisle. In hope that any of his connections as a doctor could help to find out something about Bella. Of course Carlisle gave me a cliff-notes version of all doctors not being the same, with the differences of psychological and medical. Carlisle knew a lot when it came to both, but he stuck too the medical field of being a doctor. Carlisle was not sure if he could find out anything about Bella, but he would try.

I heard a thunderous like tapping coming from the other end of the phone line as Carlisle typed away on his computer.

'_Come on Carlisle, find something.'_

Alice.

'_Oh, I hope Bella is okay.'_

Esme.

Even at a thousand – an on – miles away, I could still hear their thoughts from the other end. Without at a doubt they were hovering over Carlisle in his office.

Even though my family was understanding about why we had to leave Forks, it went beyond that. Not only were we leaving Bella, but we were leaving a life. It was the best life we had, had within a decade. Bella was the reason I called Forks _home_. Bella was the main reasoning in it all. Carlisle and Esme had gotten a new daughter, Emmett and Jasper; a little sister, Alice; a best friend, Rosalie; an inconvenience, and most of all I had found love.

"_Edward I got some information about Willow Harbor… but it is nothing that we don't already know about mental institutions."_

"What about Bel…"

"_Edward my son. You're not the only one whose worried about Bella, I might just have to get Jasper up here to calm Alice down. Now please let me finish." _Carlisle talked in his usual calm emotion.

"I'm sorry Carlisle," I spoke softly. Sorry would soon become my very own over-used word if I got to Bella. But would _sorry_ be enough?

I became very quiet and concentrated and watched to road ahead of me as I listened to Carlisle endlessly type.

_**Harlen: 28 miles**_

I was getting closer.

"_Edward I found something," _Carlisle spoke very calmly again.

"What is it?"

"_Well Bella is registered at Willow Harbor under solo admittance meaning she admitted herself, and can leave whenever she wants…"_

I felt very unbalanced right now. Like there was a conscience to my shock. The bad conscience of knowing that Bella was in a mental institution, knowing that she was at Willow Harbor because of me, yet there were more reasons unknown, and the fact that Bella admitted herself into a mental institution. Then the good of my conscience felt good that it was Bella who admitted herself. I assumed that it was Charlie and Renee who sent Bella to Willow Harbor, and I did not like it. I was very protective of Bella.

'_For once in her life Isabella did not put up a fight…'_

That was the last thing that Charlie said to me, and then there was my bad conscience again. Bella always put up fight, and never gave up – when it came to the important things of her life. Sometimes I thought there were some things, those that surrounded Bella. Things that Bella should never fight for. It was hard to imagine Bella to stop fighting, too surrender, and too give up.

"Did you find out anything else?" I asked a bit quickly.

"_I wish there was something I could tell you, but her file is classified. The only people who can see it are Bella's doctors or counselor."_

"_Alice, hey what…"_

"_Edward, looks like you're going to have to do what you do best to humans."_

"Alice…"

Alice had taken the phone away from Carlisle. I could just imagine her being all hyperactive and watching over Carlisle's back. I think she reached her breaking point. Of all the times that Jasper had to not be by her side.

"_Edward the one person who knew best that you dazzled people was Bella. You dazzled her, and now you have to dazzle her doctors. You have to get to Willow Harbor and help Bella."_

"_ALICE!" _ I could hear Esme speak in a very stern tone.

"_I love Bella! I love her like a daughter, and I want Edward to be happy, but maybe Edward can't be the one to help Bella."_

WOW! Esme was really being open minded.

"_Esme is right Alice," _This time Carlisle spoke. _"There is a reason – that we know very little about – of why Bella is at Willow Harbor, and Edward trying to help her might make things worse."_

Yet again we were back to my conscience. I could dazzle Bella's doctors. I could find out why Bella is in Willow Harbor, but it would not ease my conscience. I was the one who basically _sent_ Bella to Willow Harbor, but I would not leave her. Despite the current situation – I never made a same mistake twice – Bella is my life no matter what.

"If I can help Bella I will. If I can't help her, I won't. But I'm not leaving her. Not ever again."

I flipped my phone shut, and hit the gas pedal going into my normal driving speed more anxious then ever.

* * *

Harlin Washington was a small city. Smaller than Forks. It was very much in tuned as a beach. The town seemed to consist of less than five-hundred people, with a local diner, post office, and gas station. That was about it. The main attractions would be about twenty-minutes away. Once you got out of the main part of town, it was just endless miles of a beach. The endless beach kind of felt like The Great Wall of China. It was about a five-ten minute drive till I finally reached my destination. There was a big sign right before the parking lot.

_**Willow Harbor**_

Harlin must really love beaches. That seemed to be all that Willow Harbor was; a three story beach house. Carlisle had once told me that just like with doctors, some mental institutions were different from each other, but just because they were what they were, does not mean they had to be dull and lifeless. Will Harbor was now way close. The three story beach house rested on a hilled pavement. In front was the parking lot, and going down the hill was a beach. Luckily for me, there was not any sun, but it was not as wet or gray as Forks – I'd be okay to walk out in the open. There was a huge space that separated the parking lot and the front of the house. It was stone tile, with chairs and benchers were mental patients walked around or were sitting down to read a book. I half expected too see Bella being one of those people reading a book.

I parked my Volvo, and exited. I slowly walked to pathway to the front door. Bella definitely was not outside reading a book or getting fresh air but I could smell her scent. I could taste it. It had been awhile, but it all felt the same.

I could feel the other patients eyeing me as a walked past them up the small set of stairs and entered the house, but when I started hearing one person's thoughts I blocked there rest out all the together. I needed to focus.

The space I walked to in the inside was very office like. There was a young woman setting at the desk. She looked up at me, stared, and then smiled.

"Can I help you?" She squeaked.

"Um yes, I'm looking for Isabella Swan."

"Are you visiting?"

"Yes."

"Um…"

The young woman looked down at her desk unsure of what to say. She grabbed a notepad and pen getting ready to write something.

"Um… Yeah, your name?"

"Edward Cullen."

The young woman dropped her pen, and went back to staring at me. I could hear her heart rate accelerate rapidly. Now I started to un-blocked people's thoughts.

'_This, this… It can't be the one that Bella was talking about. Oh, what should I do…? Okay, right, call Dr. Morgan.'_

Now I could only guess that I was not a stranger to the people here that knew Bella.

"Dr. Morgan its Ava. There is an Edward Cullen here to Visit Isabella Swan."

"_Edward Cullen? Okay, I'll be down in a minute."_

Ava hung up the phone, and went back to staring at me.

"Bella's doctor will be down in a minute, you can go sit in the waiting room over there if you'd like." Ava pointed to the small space behind me, but the look on her face caught my eye – she was not smiling anymore. It was like she did not want me to leave. I would not be, for I could hear Bella's doctor who was ten seconds away.

"I think I'll wait here."

She was smiling again, but I ignored it.

"Excuse me, are you Edward Cullen."

"Yes," I spoke intently before turning around to face the doctor.

"I'm Dr. Nicole Morgan, the main resident here. I treat Isabella Swan." She reached her arm out toward me in hope of shaking hands. I could not do that. I just let my arms stay at my side, and after a second the Doctor let her arm fall back to her side, she seemed confused.

"Well I'm not sure if I should let you visit Isabella right now or anyone else for that matter."

"Why would that be?" My voice was soft but yet soothing, I would try what Alice told me to do.

"Because I don't condone visitors that cause my patients pain. Visitors whose names make my patients cringe or scream there name when they're having a nightmare."

Someone who was not dazzled by me. Dr. Morgan, spoke clearly, her voice was stiff but serious.

"Bella has nightmares? She yells out my name?"

"Don't get too cocky Mr. Cullen you're not the only name she calls out at night."

"What does she scream out; her fathers name? Her mothers?"

I could not think of anyone else that would be the source of Bella's nightmares.

"No. Not Renee or Charlie, someone she calls…"

Dr. Morgan examined a file folder in her hands, flipping through the pages.

"…Victoria."

**I know I said Bella would be in this chapter, but I got my chapters mixed up. She'll for sure be in chapter four, and chap four is in her POV! Keep up those amazing reviews!**

**I greatly appreciate them! Chapter four coming very soon!**

**-Eme**


	4. Not so happy reunion

WOW! Over a thousand hits and those reviews keep on coming! I love it, and I greatly appreciate the reviews! Well as promised, another chapter!

Summary: Edward Returns to Forks after a two year absence, but Bella is not in Forks. She is in a mental institution

A/n: This chap is in Bella's but this story basically happens two years right after the chap where Edward leaves Bella, so Bella did not hear Edward's voice, or have much of a friendship with Jacob.

This may be the only update till after Christmas, but I should have another chapter up before New Years.

Xxxxx

**Something takes a part of me.  
Something lost and never seen.  
Everytime I start to believe,  
Somethings raped and taken from me... from me.  
Lifes got to always be messing with me. (you wanna see the light)  
Cant they chill and let me be free? (so do I)  
Cant I take away all this pain. (you wanna see the light)  
I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.  
Sometimes I cannot take this place.  
Sometimes its my life I cant taste.  
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.  
Youll never see me fall from grace  
Something takes a part of me.  
You and I were meant to be…**

**Feeling like a freak on a leash. (you wanna see the light)  
Feeling like I have no release. (so do I)  
How many times have I felt diseased? (you wanna see the light)  
Nothing in my life is free... is free  
Sometimes I cannot take this place.  
Sometimes its my life I cant taste.  
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.  
Youll never see me fall from grace  
Something takes a part of me.  
You and I were meant to be.**

"**Freak on a leash" by Korn**

**Xxxx**

Chapter four: A not so happy reunion

Time… Time seemed to be the only thing I had anymore. Especially being that I'm stuck in a mental institution, but then again I was the one that freely admitted myself. I needed to be here though. Here for my mental state; maybe I could forget the attack, and forget Edward. If that was possible. He left and I so badly wished it were all a dream and he would come back to me. I wanted Edward to come back to me, but as time passed I found myself hating him for leaving me. Now he crept through my nightmares next to Victoria.

Dr. Morgan had discovered I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder shortly after I arrived. It could not have come at a worse time. Dr. Morgan was always pressuring me to talk about what happened to result in PTSD, but if I really did, she would send me into a straight jacket inside of a padded white room.

About a year after Edward left, Victoria returned. She wanted vengeance. Vengeance for losing James, and I was the perfect target. I was who James was after, and Victoria was smart enough to know that she could not take on the Cullen's alone. She came after me, attacked me, and bit me. I remember the venom and the pain, and that's the last thing I remember about the attack. The PTSD affected me greatly, but so did the _wonder_ of how I was saved. Who stopped Victoria? Who rid of me of the deadly venom?

Even though I was not immortal, I still had time, and I would use that time to get my answers.

The one place I did not get answers from was group therapy. I think everyone in the group hated therapy. Whether it was done in group or one-on-one. It was weird to listen too other people trouble's in hope for comfort. I too was looking for some comfort, but I did not want to find it in therapy.

"Isabella."

"Dr. Morgan." I spoke in a weary tone.

"Please Isabella we went over this. Call me Nicole. Most patients open up easier if I'm more open with them," She stated very calmly, but she seemed very happy.

"I'll call you Nicole, when you call me Bella." I told her for-like the tenth time. This seemed to always be our first conversation of the day with each other.

"Okay, point taken… Well I really wish that next session you would open up a little more."

"I know my rights Dr. Morgan, but as I've stated before I don't really want these other people to hear my problems."

"Bella…"

Now we were getting somewhere. Dr. Nicole Morgan was a very formal, calm and collected woman. She was tall, blonde, brown eyes, and petite. She dressed in a clothing style that reminded me of Esme.

"…One of the points of group therapy is that all the people in it are having problems. So there will be an equal level of understanding, and these people won't judge you, but maybe sympathize with you. I know you prefer the one-on-one sessions, but I can't really help you till you find a state of comfort."

Dr. Morgan opened her mouth to speak again, but stopped when a vibrating sound erupted from her pocket with the _perfect_ distraction and she reached in to grab her cell phone.

"I have to answer my phone, we will continue this later." She spoke without looking back at me.

For someone who was very much focused, it surprised me at how Dr. Morgan could just go from one thing to another without even thinking.

_Continue this later_

That was good enough for me, so I turned around and started to walk away. I could hear her answer her phone and then I was finally out of the room.

"Hello Ava…"

"Edward Cullen? Okay, I'll be down in a minute."

Xxxxx

I finally made my way back to my room, and discovered mail. It was nothing new too me though. A one paged letter from Charlie, a half novel from Renee, and letters from Mike, Jessica, and Angela. These letters were nothing new, always saying the same thing. 'How are you?', 'I miss you.', 'Feel better.', and then details of what's new in their lives.

As much as I wished that they would stop sending them, it was my only contact with the outside world. Outside of Willow Harbor. I needed that contact, it gave me incentive to get out of here and go home, but home had not felt like home since Edward had left Forks… Now I was back to the aspect of time. I could just put the mail aside and read it later, but I needed something to do, so I grabbed the bulging white envelope from the top.

It was from Renee, this would take awhile. Luckily, no one expected me to write back for I never had anything new to say. Charlie and Renee could easily contact Willow Harbor to get an update on my condition, but they never did. Even when I came here, Charlie was still Charlie. Renee was still her worrisome self but too afraid to find out anything about me. The most she looked for was hope that I was getting better.

Slowly but surely I opened the envelope, ripping the back cover into different kinds of shapes till the letter spilled out. She was four pages less than what she usually wrote. I kind of felt a bit relief, for Renee's letters did take a lot of time to read, and she mostly just babbled on after the important parts.

_Dear Bella..._

_Renee's emails just got more irritating every time, but of course if I did not answer her she might go into hysterics. But now I just did not care. I am eighteen; it's not going to hurt for me to not respond to one email._

_I clicked the sign out button on my email account, and then proceeded to click the red 'x' on the internet page, and finally I shut off the computer. I sat at my desk for mere minutes just listening to the rain pouring outside. _

"_Bella," Charlie spoke softly as he stood halfway inside of my room. _

"_Maybe you should get going to school."_

_I did not get very much sleep anymore and sometimes woke up a few hours before my alarm. I would find ways to busy myself before I had to get ready for school, and now it seemed Charlie was my new alarm. Every night I turned my alarm clock on, but for some reason I never heard it go off and Charlie would remind me that I had school._

"_Right… I was just… I, oh never mind I'll see you later."_

_As I rose from my chair I grabbed my backpack – which was hanging on the back of my chair – swung it over my shoulders and walked out of my room past Charlie. I put my coat before stepping out into the rain, but it would not do much help. The fabric was very thin, I'd be half soaked by the time I made my way too the truck. _

_I drove to school trying to stay concentrated on something… anything, anything to block out the rain. I had only been in Forks for a year-and-a-half but I still hated the rain. Admittedly there were times – like earlier before Charlie's reminder of school – that I just sat and listened to it, and I found it very calming. My old truck was the only barrier of the rain. It was raining hard and fast, and it was greatly distracting me. I decided that music might help, so I reached my hand over to my stereo to turn it on. Immediately the sounds of my lullaby filled the empty space of truck and I cringed._

'_You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed.'_

_LIAR! He still existed. Not in body, but in spirit. My heart was still filled with his love; my memories of him were still strong. Why did I have to be in this pain? I never thought that love could hurt this much. This stereo, and 'my lullaby' weren't helping at all. _

_As fast as my first thought came, I screamed it out loud._

"_LIAR! LIAR! LIAR!"_

_Well if people were trying to deny that I was crazy, they could now tell the truth. I was yelling at my stereo. My new stereo. I never really did want it, and obviously Edward forgot to get rid of it – so much for never existing. _

_I hit the break hard and pulled the truck over on the side of the road. I clicked off my seat belt and reached forward grabbing the stereo. I pulled… nothing. I pulled harder, and harder, my body started arching back and forward with the movement of my arms. It was like I was hyperventilating, but I stayed focused on the stereo. I pulled harder every time, surprising myself with how much strength I had. I could feel the stereo move; it's starting to get loose, which was good. My arms were hurt and tired, but I kept going. Finally one half of the stereo pulled away, and seconds later the whole thing popped out. My hand hit hard inside of the space where the stereo once sat – it would leave a careless bruise. I smiled deceptively at the now tattered stereo, and then broke out into an onslaught of tears. _

I must have fallen asleep. I awoke to my room, which was darkened with a faint light coming from my lamp. Renee's letter – which I only got half way through – was sprawled out on the bed. I let my eyes adjust before looking around my room. The clock read a quarter after six. I would have to be down to dinner by six-thirty.

As much as I needed to be here, I was always finding new things to hate about Willow Harbor. Of course a mental institution was not normal, but you'd think an hour to eat food would be. Dr. Nicole Morgan was a bit of a religious person, and made each person say 'grace' before eating. It reminded me of what some families do on thanksgiving before eating; going around and saying what you're thankful for. I was not very religious, and never said 'grace' before eating and Dr. Morgan expected something new every night.

With a sigh I got out of the bed and grabbed Renee's letter along with the other un-opened letters and put them in the top drawer of my dresser. The letters sat next to my one-and-only picture of Edward. I used the picture as a reminder of many things both good and bad.

I picked up the picture and just stared at it. Edward was happy and smiling in this picture. I remembered why Edward was smiling when Alice took this picture, and I too smiled.

"Oh Edward."

"Bella," His soft voice radiated like an echo.

I looked to the direction of his voice. And there he was… Edward. Standing in a corner of darkness just staring at me. The picture slipped from my hands, so I quickly bent down to pick it up, but - in true Edward fashion – Edward was at my side in a flash bent down, and grabbing the picture at the same I was.

"Bella…" He spoke eagerly as his hand touched mine.

His touch use to calm me but even with his ice cold skin, when he touched me it felt like a person touching fire. Or touching the fire on the wick of a candle. It never really bothered me touching a lit candle, but I did not really want Edward touching me right now.

I was too shocked, to actually be shocked that he was right next to me right now, I felt very calm but Edward sensed my tension and his hand touched my shoulder, and that's when I lost it.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I yelled and yanked myself away from Edward. I stood up to fast, and started hyperventilating.

"Bella…"

Edward was going to touch me again, but before he got close my whole world went black.

**Ok, I'd like your opinion on something. I have an alternative chapter five, which is chapter four in Edward's POV, and it has Edward charming Dr. Morgan into letting him see Bella… would you like to see that chapter? Let me know in your review please. I'll most definitely get another chapter after Christmas. **

**Eme**


	5. Not so happy reunion EPOV

Those reviews are freaking amazing! Thank you! I was really trying for a review before new years, but the holidays have just kept me busy, and you should not have to wait a whole holiday for the next update.

So I know I said in my author note at the end of chapter four… this is chapter four but in Edward's POV.

Quick referral to author note from chapter four.

…**it has Edward charming Dr. Morgan into letting him see Bella… **Notice the triple dot at the end, well Edward will charm Dr. Morgan, but he won't get to… Now if I told you the rest what would be the point of this chap in EPOV? So read and enjoy.

I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, and I don't want too disappoint. So here we go. I hope you like it.

A not so happy reunion (E-POV)

Page break

"…_Victoria."_

I was just as stunned by Dr. Morgan's answer as I was of Charlie's. I wish I knew what if felt like to feel immense amounts of force holding me back. That was what one part of me felt like right now. Everything just seemed to be one shock after another. The other part of me had to suppress an angry growl threatening to escape me for it would just give _Dr. Nicole Morgan_ more incentive to not let me see Bella.

Yet my anger ended up on Victoria. I remembered everything about her. Her red-like orange hair, her determination, her lethal will. Why would Bella's problem have to do with Victoria? The closest that Victoria ever got to Bella was on the baseball field…

'_After the way Sam found her in the woods, I never would have thought she would go back in the woods again, but what happened in the woods the second time was way much worse than the first time…'_

"_Because I don't condone visitors that cause my patients pain. Visitors whose names make my patients cringe or scream there name when they're having a nightmare."_

Now it all made sense, like the missing piece of a puzzle. That missing piece is the key. Bella was in the woods a second time and Victoria was there.

I took everything in me to stay very calm, the only thing that really assuaged my anger was hope that I might get too see Bella.

"Do you happen to know who this Victoria is, Mr. Cullen?"

There was my conscience again. I could very easily say "Yes", "I know her…" Then I would try to find a way to explain who Victoria is, but unsure of how that would benefit Bella. I still did not know what happened – if anything – with Bella and Victoria. Like Charlie had said – it was up to Bella to tell me, and that is what I would try for. I would use my knowledge of _knowing _Victoria as possible leverage.

"Yes I do," I spoke simply without emotion.

Dr. Morgan eyed me curiously. She looked too happy, especially being that she is a doctor in a mental institution. Then all of the sudden she impatiently tapped her foot on the floor waiting for me to continue.

"Victoria… Victoria." I spoke her name simply, while staring off into space. I needed to use this as leverage, but I could not exactly tell the truth about Victoria. There was no way. There was no way Bella would tell the truth either – she had made the promise – otherwise she'd be in a less comfortable mental institution – more like psych ward.

"Victoria is someone who does not care for Bella… Something happened to Victoria's boyfriend and she blames Bella."

All the words I was speaking sounded like a teenage soap drama, but it was the best way I could put things.

"So can I assume that Bella and Victoria were friends?" Dr. Morgan asked.

"Not exactly," I spoke as a grin formed on my face.

_If she only knew._

"Well…" Dr. Morgan tapped her foot relentlessly again. I found this human action very annoying.

"Well what Dr. Morgan? I don't know what else I could tell you."

"I think you do Mr. Cullen. Why would Ms. Swan have nightmare about this woman, over something that is so high school angst?"

She was fast, jumping to a quick conclusion without even knowing the whole of the story. The real story. I could string along a whole story, but it would all be lies. Lies that Bella would not even know about. I had to wonder if it would help her at all. No, there was no way I could keep lying. What if Dr. Morgan went to Bella with my input and Bella would not have a clue. I will not make things worse for her, but I am not about to give up.

Dr. Morgan eyed me curiously. She was definitely not giving up either.

"Let me see Bella! Please Dr. Morgan."

I stepped closer to her, and flashed Dr. Morgan a smile. I would try my best to dazzle her. Do anything I can too see Bella.

"Mr. Cullen I won't deny the fact that Willow Harbor does let our patients have visitors, but I only allow visitors when I feel it is okay for the patient. Now is not the best time for Bella."

Now I was about to get very personal, no holds barred.

"Nicole," I spoke in a deep alluring voice.

"I'm only comfortable with my patients calling me by my first name." She did not even think or hesitate, it kind of felt like she was prepared for something like this.

"Okay. So I'm not a patient…"

"You're a stranger to me, Mr. Cullen."

"As you are to your patients and as your patients are too you. You want to help your patients get better, well I feel that I can help Bella. I know a lot more about Bella then she'll ever tell you or you'll ever even know. If I can get her one step forward, then maybe you can help Bella the rest of the way."

Dr. Morgan just stared at me. I stared back anxiously, it seemed a long time had passed by, but it was just a mere minute before the doctor smiled. This was a good sign, hopefully.

"Ok Mr. Cullen you can see Ms. Swan, but not right now."

"Why not now? I have to see her. Please!"

"I need Ms. Swan to open up to me first, before I can let you help her. She has not opened up about much of anything in the past six months –which is how long she's been here. I'm the professional, and sometimes it takes for anything to happen. Let me be the one to make that first step, and then maybe I'll let you help the rest of the way."

I really wanted to see Bella now. I could reason with what Dr. Morgan was saying – Bella needs help – but I need to know why. I need to see Bella. Two years had past, but I never stopped loving her.

I had made some progress with Bella's doctor, and I even thought about pushing the issue, but it would but it might make Dr. Morgan changer her mind, and I needed some time to think of something official too tell about _Victoria_.

"Well I'll be back Dr. Morgan, and please don't tell Bella I was here."

Once again Dr. Morgan had a non-hesitant answer.

"Something we can both agree on."

I smiled at the Doc, and then smiled at the receptionist before leaving the house. I would try to get on the receptionists good side also. I had picked up some more of her thoughts, and it seemed Bella opened up more to her than her own doctor.

As I drove away I could imagine Dr. Morgan smiling in victory, but that just led me think of a constant saying in my life.

_If she only knew._

I drove five miles away from Willow Harbor to a parking spot where I stashed my Volvo before heading back to Willow Harbor on a dead run. I stayed out of site while surveying the building. I would have to find a way in, and try too find Bella. Finally I found an open window and leaped up. I was sure I would not get caught, but I had to very cautious being out in the open like this. This was not like all the past times I had leaped into Bella's bedroom.

The room dull but cozy with a bed, night stand, lamp, clock, and other things that made up a room. Luckily know one was in it. I could smell the scent of the person in it, but I stayed focused. I walked out of the room, and was hit with an array of thoughts. Thoughts I did not want to hear – I'd rather be back in a high school class room listening to the pointless thoughts of teenagers. Mental institution had some mental thoughts.

I was able to block out some thoughts which made it easier for me to concentrate on finding Bella. There where many scents, but Bella's stood out. It was stronger than back in her bedroom in Forks.

_Easier than I thought._

I stayed out of site while following Bella's scent up a flight of stairs, down a short hallway, and finally to her room. Her room looked the same as the one that I snuck into, only she occupied the bed. She laid backside to the wall, sleeping – she actually looked peaceful in her sleep. There where pieces paper sprawled out on the bed. Bella had fallen asleep reading something. When were together, there was a couple of times I snuck into her room at night and she was sleeping with an open book at her side. I always smiled then, and I wanted to smile now because it was so her fashion, but I would not smile. She is here – in a mental institution, and it made me feel sad.

I walked over to her and brushed away a piece of lose hair from her face, and then placed a soft kiss on her temple before backing away into a dark corner of her room and watched her sleep.

It was another two hours before she woke up. Without even thinking she bundled up the pieces of paper off her bed put them – with a stack of letters – in the top drawer. For a moment it seemed she was just staring at the inside of her drawer, but then she picked up a picture. I could not see the picture from where I stood, but it felt good to see her smiling. Her smiling, it had to be a good thing. Then what she said next made me feel even better.

"Oh Edward."

There was no way I could keep standing here any longer; I had to make my presence known.

"Bella," I spoke softly.

She snapped her head in my direction as the picture she was holding fell from her hands, and she did not even look at me. Instead, she started to bend down to pick up the picture. So I went to do the same, and our hands touched at the same time.

"Bella…"

She did not seem very shocked, but her reaction was shocking. She jerked her hand off of mine, and moved away from me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" She yelled, and then stood up, and it only got worse. She began to hyperventilate, and fainted into my arms.

**Well like I said I was not sure about this chapter, and I do not want to disappoint to be honest as possible in your review. Please and Thank You, Eme.**


	6. Failed rescue

Over two-thousand hits and over sixty reviews! I had been greatly hoping for fifty, and those reviews just make smile, even grin sometimes! Thank you!

Well here is chapter six, and it's in Edward's POV. Most of the Story is EPOV, but there is BPOV too, so no worries. But I think most people I know prefer EPOV!

You may read start reading this chapter and wonder, why – about what's going on – but don't worry, because things are just getting started. This is another long chapter.

Bella is not going to react as badly as she did to Edward in the previous chapter. She was just very shocked to see him for her subconscious blocked him partially away. Now that she realizes that Edward is really "here" she'll be calm about his presence but angry also.

Chapter Six: Failed Rescue

* * *

I was not even thinking logically, yet everything in front of me was common sense. Bella is in a mental institution – for some problem I still don't know much about – where she is supposed to be getting help. My conscience was screaming at me like lightning to stop, but I couldn't. Once I had Bella safely in my arms I left Willow Harbor the same way I came in. No one saw me, or even suspected that Bella would be gone and if they did, they would never find her… but that would be up to Bella, but somehow I already _felt_ her answer – she would not be happy – still I needed to talk too her away from Willow Harbor, and no matter what her answer is I will not leave her.

I made it back to my Volvo and got in the back seat with Bella. I laid her down and attempted to get her too wake.

"Bella… Bella…"

It was very pointless; as long as she was okay then she would wake up when she is ready. I felt an array of emotions watching her sleep. Happy that she looked peaceful as she slept, anger for whatever happened with Victoria, sadness for whatever else happened to put her in Willow Harbor, and happiness that I had found her. Without even thinking I slipped both of my arms around her back pulling her closer to me and then I laid down resting my cheek on her chest where heart rested. Her heart beat normally, that was another reason to be happy.

Of course this time her slumber did not last long. I had counted about one-hundred beats of her heart and then she stirred. I pulled myself away not wanting to alarm her anymore.

I could tell by the look on her face that she was greatly confused. She sat up very quickly and stared at me. This time I could see the shock written on her face.

"Edward," She spoke very wearily.

"Yes love." There I was again acting like everything was normal. I guess that was the best way right now. I need to get through too Bella and it seemed she had not much normality in a long time.

"Am I dreaming?" Bella's voice was soft, radiating, and musical.

"No."

That was all she needed to hear. To really wake her up, and her eyes became wide when she finally realized where she was.

"Wait, why am I here? Edward, what's going on?"

"Bella you fainted."

"Why am I here Edward?! Why am I not back at Willow Harbor?!" Her soft-radiating musical voice turned very stern and angry.

"I don't know what I was thinking Bella. It had been so long since I had seen you, and when you saw back in your room, I knew I would not get much of a chance to see you. You screamed Bella, luckily know one heard you, but I could not talk to you there without making things worse."

"Worse! WORSE!"

Tears began stream down her face, which instinctively made me reach forward. I wanted to wipe her tears away and hold Bella till the end of time. My conscience seemed to favor normality right now. Bella pulled away from me again, but there was no scream this time.

"Edward I love you…"

I did not expect Bella to say that, but it really felt good to hear,

"…I never stopped even after you left me. Even after I became greatly depressed so depressed that it is just now setting in that I'm in a mental institution."

"Wait, I thought you freely admitted yourself."

Bella looked at me with 'how did you know look' but she was not surprised.

"Willow Harbor is a small institution, very private so when any patient checks in they file it under 'freely admitted' to keep their privacy and their patient's privacy…"

She hesitated with her next words.

"Ch…Ch-Charlie and Renee brought me to Willow Harbor, and now you have to take me back."

"No Bella I can't right now."

"Edward please!" Her tears escalated and she looked away from me.

"Edward I need to go back to Willow Harbor. It's the only way I can get better and go home."

"Bella you have to let me help you. I want to help you get back home."

"You can't help me Edward, you just can't. I don't even think I can stand being near you right now."

"Then why haven't you gotten out of the Volvo and walked away?"

"Because I know you won't let me go Edward, the same way I never let you go, which is why I'm in Willow Harbor. I feel that I should hate you, that I should let you feel the pain I still feel but I just don't have the strength anymore. Sometimes I wish that I could go back in time and beg James to kill me. It would have been better then what my life has been like in the past two years."

I hissed at hearing James name, but it also broke my _heart_ to hear what Bella was saying.

Now I had to wonder it was the best time to ask her about Victoria, and the full reason of her being in Willow Harbor.

"I wish I could go back in time too Bella."

Bella tears stopped crying on the spot, and finally looked back at me.

"Go back in time so that way I would have never left you."

"THEN WHY DID YOU?"

I had never seen Bella get this angry, shockingly enough it scared me.

Her stare turned so intense it would be burned into my mind forever, just like Dr. Morgan she wanted an answer, but this time I would be honest – no lies.

"Bella at the time I left to protect you. I thought that my life would just be a downward spiral for you, so that's why I was so distant before I left. I needed to leave in terms of hope that you would move on. I did not want to leave, but I had to protect you. I think I _died_ a second time when I left you… I was a recluse for a year and three months, and then I reunited with my family trying to get into pattern with my life and that's when I slowly realized that I had been protecting you all this time. The countless times I told you that 'you are my life' is and will be the most truthful thing I've ever spoke in my entire existence. I knew that I could protect you from the dangers of my life and make you happy – myself and even my family who miss you like crazy. So I decided to come back to Forks, only you were not there and I found out from Charlie that you are in a mental institution."

I had never been so happy to be able to keep going without breathing. I had to get everything out, Bella needed to know this.

"I don't know what to say to that." Bella spoke sadly; I was relieved to see her anger gone.

"Bella you said you still loved me?" I asked her with hope written all over my face.

"I do, I do love which makes everything so hard."

"If you love me Bella then come with me. Leave this place…"

I was greatly regretting what I was going to say next.

"…I spoke with your Doctor, and it seems she's not much of a doctor if you are more open with the receptionist."

"Wait you talked to Dr. Morgan? And Ava?"

"That was what I was doing before I brought you here, and I did talk to Dr. Morgan about being able to visit you, and I heard the receptionist thoughts. This doctor does not seem to be helping you at all, but I feel that I can help you, but I can't if you're still in Willow Harbor."

"You just don't get it Edward. The one thing I'm honestly sane about is that I can't go anywhere other than Willow Harbor. I'm done begging, just TAKE ME BACK!"

Bella was getting very frustrated – it was official that when she yelled it scared me. I just know realized taking her may have made things worse for Bella, but I had to. It was not reasoned that I took her to talk to her, and give her some normality, but just as always I wanted to protect her.

"I won't leave you Bella, not again. I can accept that you won't go with me, and I'll take you back, but I won't leave you."

"Now I hope you see why I did not try to run away."

* * *

**BPOV**

I had thought Edward would drive back to Willow Harbor, but he explained how he wanted to stay undetected, and then he gave me an ultimatum. He would walk with me back, or – like he had done many times in the past – I could get on his back and he would run. I was hesitant about both, but there was no way I was going to walk five miles so I got on his back, shut my eyes and when I opened my eyes we were back in my room. I quickly jumped off of his back and stepped away from Edward. I watched as he was looking at some random spot in my room – deep in concentration. Then he looked at me with a smile.

"You don't have to worry there is no chaos over a missing patient. No one suspects that you were gone, but your friend is worried that you did not come to dinner so she's coming to check on you right now."

I looked at Edward very confusingly, if he only knew. Most of the other patients, including just kept to ourselves. Making friends was not on my mind when I came to Willow Harbor.

"I don't exactly have any friends here. This is a mental institution."

"The receptionist I think." Edward spoke skeptically.

"Oh. Ava…" I turned away from Edward walking too my bed to mess with it bit, that way it looked like I was sleeping.

Ava Warren is the receptionist at Willow Harbor, and someone I talk at times. She's not really a friend, but I was actually encouraged by Dr. Morgan to try and talk to someone else. I really just wanted to keep to myself, but then Ava came to me. Turns out she was once a mental patient. It was easy to talk her. She is sane – formerly a mental patient – but still she is normal now. When I could not talk to Dr. Morgan or when I needed to talk too someone Ava was always there to listen. Never judging or offering commentary about what I was talking about. There where times when I did not feel like talking that she would talk, and that's how I learned she was a mental patient, she too suffered from post traumatic stress disorder, but just like me that was not the only thing that made her a mental patient.

I had told her about Edward – not the immortal part – and him being my boyfriend, and when he left me. I had told her some things about the attack also, but I found that to be harder too talk about.

"You better g…go." I turned back around and Edward was gone.

I part of me was jumping with joy that he was gone, but I also wondered if he would come back. A knock on my door interrupted that thought.

Ava slowly opened the door to my room, peeking inside.

"Bella," She spoke softly.

"Oh hey Ava, what's up?"

"You missed dinner. I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah, I was actually reading another one of my mom's never ending letter, and fell asleep. I just woke up like two-minutes ago." I was speaking with a smile on my face, but I was not even sure what the smile was for.

"Oh, well I can you up some left over."

"No. No, um thank you. I'm not really hungry."

"Are you sure?"

Sometimes I wanted to get out dictionary and read to people the meaning of the word "No". I know she was just being nice, but when I say no once, I really hope she would get the message. I hated having to explain myself again.

"Yeah, I'm just going too go back to sleep."

"Okay then, goodnight." With Ava's last words she left, shutting my door quietly.

I climbed onto my bed burying myself in the blankets. I shut my eyes hoping sleep would find me, but I just could not stop thinking about Edward. He was back. That was something I greatly wished for a year ago. I think I would be greatly happy that he was back, if I was not a mental patient suffering from depression and PTSD. Edward use to blame himself for the things that happened to me when I was around. I would literally trip over myself to make him see that it was not his fault, but now it seemed we switched roles. I blame him, and he knows that whatever happens that he can protect me without him being at fault. Protect me, that's only if he will come back.

Sleep started to find me when Edward made his presence known again. He never left; he was most likely hiding so he would not be caught by Ava. I had to believe he was serious when he said he would not leave me.

"I love you Bella." He whispered into my ear, and placed a kiss to my temple. I kept my eyes shut pretending to sleep. I stayed like that for several long moments till I was sure he was gone, and sat in my bed feeling the spot where he kissed me.

How could anyone hate the person they love?

**Okay so I don't know if you were expecting Bella to be more frazzled when talking to Edward, but I did want to make her so mental that she can't talk to anyone. Also Ava, she's not really an important character, but I had to give a bit ground for reason of why Bella would open up to her more than Dr. Morgan. I don't want to be selfish, and this only six chapters in but my goal is for 100 reviews, that would be amazing! So please leave a review. I shall be going back to quicker updates now that the holidays have past.**

**Eme**

.


	7. Realizations

I need to hit the thesaurus for words for "Thank You!" Those reviews just blow me away – in a good way of course!

Here is chapter seven, which starts with another Bella flashback. Bella's flashbacks are kind of following a pattern, they're like a timeline; they're kind of a continuance from the previous flashbacks. This is not a depressing chapter. This like a happy chapter, I needed a drama free chapter so this is it. Enjoy!!

I'm should have addressed this in previous chapter, but one reviewer said something about this being a dark story… well that's exactly what I'm going for right now.

I've just lost my muse for my re-write of **Connections** so I'm probably going to delete it, and I'm working on a new story. It has Bella and Edward in it, but it's not Bellward centric. It centered around the whole Cullen family, and little bit of Jacob – whom I'm not a fan of. I'm going to post it soon.

* * *

**Chapter seven: Revelations**

**BPOV**

"_Ah, Ms. Swan thank for coming."_

_I did not see the point in her thanking me I did not exactly have a choice to say "no" when I got called to come down to the counselor's office. Ms. Devlin just replaced our old counselor whom know one liked that much, but I had a feeling that the old counselor told Ms. Devlin something about me._

_So I decided to respond what I thought_

"_Like I have much of a choice."_

"_I'm here to do my job Isabella."_

"_Bella, I prefer Bella… Now why am I here?"_

"_Well teachers and some of your friends have voiced some concerns about you too me."_

"_Really like what?"_

_Friends I could understand. I could still feel them staring at me in shock. I had not been the greatest person to be around since Edward left._

"_They say you've been really quiet, and you just kind of keep too yourself. Not socializing with anyone, and you don't even look your teachers in the eye when they talk to you."_

_Now this was the part where she expected to spill out my problems and maybe even shed a few tears. I could not surrender to that. If I had felt like talking to someone I would have when Edward left, but some people would just call me crazy. I did not know very many people my age who were in love._

"_What, so I'm just supposed to be happy all the time?" I asked in a coarse voice._

"_No I'm not saying that Bella, but from what I've gathered this is very unlike you. It's even unlike you to be late for school."_

_I wanted to laugh, she was worried about me being late for school, this is surely about to get interesting._

"_Yeah I was late… today, because my truck would not start." I lied. I chanced a quick look at my hand where a red spot – slowly becoming a bruise – sat from were I banged my hand when taking out the stereo. After I had gotten the stereo out I just sat in my truck and cried. I was an hour late to school and it was not the end of the world._

"_Yeah, but I've checked your records. Throughout your whole high school career you've always been to school on time. You are a senior with only four months of school left, and I have to wonder why now? Why would you be late now?_

"_I guess you did not comprehend when I said my truck did not start!"_

"_I believe you Bella, but remember I'm just doing my job. I have to ask these questions… know you've had a hard time since Edward left."_

_Okay I see. She wanted me too share my feelings about Edward. She wanted me too share my sadness, and get Edward out of my system so it would not affect the rest of my high school career._

"_Look I know you probably think that high school romance is crazy, that I'm too young to be in love, but I was and I still am. You were not there during my relationship with Edward. I get to be sad that he left, I get that right."_

"_Trust me Bella I've heard talk about your relationship with Edward, and I can see that you miss him, but maybe it's time start moving on. You've got four months left of school so enjoy that, go out with friends and have fun. Edward's memory can't hold you back forever, and if it does it could have serious consequences."_

_

* * *

_

Today was a free day. The day of the week I looked forward too most at Willow Harbor. Now that Edward was back the free day was exactly what I needed. A one-on-one therapy session would not go well when all I could think about was Edward and wondering when he might come back. He was right about one thing, that there was no chaos about me missing dinner last night. Ava was the only one who really noticed and luckily she did not tell Dr. Morgan.

I walked outside to the sitting area. This seemed to be the one place where I could sit back at relax. Finding an empty spot on one of the benches I took a seat and began to read my book – a new copy of _Wuthering Heights. _I've probably read this book like a hundred times, but it was the one normal thing I had here, and it's always been something I greatly enjoyed. I'd become so engrossed in the book it was like I was in my own little world and nothing else mattered.

"Bella… Bella, hello."

"Oh, sorry. Hi Ava," I spoke hesitantly.

"You have a visitor." She spoke a bit happily.

"Really, uh okay… Who is it?"

I never really got visitors, but for some reason I had this feeling that I could not shake – could this visitor be Edward?

"She's says her name is Alice… small, short, spiky black hair."

I just stared at Ava. Alice… Alice was here to see me. It was a bit of relief too know that it was not Edward, but now I was just shocked that it was Alice. Though I did not feel anger at her like I did to Edward, instead I was shocked but happy.

"Um, did Dr. Morgan really approve of this?"

The last time someone tried visiting me they had to get approval from Dr. Morgan. That's when I learned we were allowed visitors, but if I was not in the best "state of mind" I was not allowed visitors.

"Well it is a free day, meaning it's Nicole's day off. And you seem to be a good mood, the doctors around here aren't the only one's who can make judgment calls."

"So I can really see Alice?" I stood up from the bench, and could not help the smile that formed on my face.

"Well that's the first I've seen you smile, yep there's no turning back now…" With her final world she walked away to go back inside, but was not gone long. She returned with Alice. Alice practically hopped down the steps while continually smiling. I ran to Alice and hugged her.

"Alice, you don't how happy I am to see you."

"I'm happy to Bella, even though you are… here in a mental institution."

I loosened my grip around Alice, so much for this being a happy-free day and realization set in.

"Did Edward send you?" I whispered into her ear as I watched Ava walk away. There was no way I could let Ava hear anything about Edward with Alice here.

"No actually I came myself."

I pulled away from Alice and motioned her to come and set on the bench.

"I was with Carlisle when Edward told him about Willow Harbor… And Edward did tell me about the conversation you guys had last night… he should not have taken away you from here like he did."

"Exactly what I thought."

"Yeah but now you know why we left…" Alice spoke very softly with her naturally glowing smile fading away.

I titled my head down and stared at the rock like tile of the ground. Yes, I do know now why Edward left, but I still did not know how to respond to it – even with my anger.

"At first I was just going to come here and find a way to talk too your doctor. Find out what is going on with you."

I shuddered when she said those last words. I did not even tell Edward what was going on. Would telling him turn him away again? As much anger I had, as much as I could not have him around me right now; I don't think I could handle it if he left again.

"But Edward said he did not get that out of you, but he did tell word-for-word the conversation. I admire that you choose to stay and get help and I don't want to make things worse by bringing up whatever is going on, but I do know that you're my best friend and I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I finally looked back at her and smiled again.

"I know that sounds pretty stupid because you're a mental patient…"

Alice lifted her arms up to use air quotes as she said _mental patient_ too make things feel normal.

"But just like Edward I'll do anything to make sure you're okay… seems like you might be making progress if you are reading _Wuthering Heights _yet again."

She picked up the book and examined it.

"I wish I were, but I'm not." That was the most honest thing I had said in a long time. I had not made any progress in the last six months, and it was frustrating cause I needed help to help to go home. I felt like I could open up more to Alice then I could Ava or Dr. Morgan.

"Then you need to let Edward or even me help you."

"Alice please don't do this!"

"I told myself I would not do this Bella, but I lied cause I love you and so does Edward."

Alice looked past me and I turned around.

Should've known

"I actually though you were sleeping last night when I told you I loved you…"

"Edward!"

"I'm glad you heard me Bella, because I'll do anything to help you."

**I hope you liked this chapter, it was nothing special or that great for I've re-wrote this chapter a few times, but it is what it is for the plot. I also ended the chapter with that line because that is Edward's main goal right now. **

**Okay I hope that was not confusing, but that had to happen because I need Bella to put some trust in Edward for the chapter after the next. She's not going to fall back into his arms right now, but it will happen I promise! The next chapter is long… longer than my current long and there is both BPOV and EPOV.**

**Is it selfish of me to ask for some more reviews for this and future chapters? I do greatly appreciate the reviews I got now, but the more reviews the more incentive I have to keep going and for quicker updates. So please and thank you. **

**Eme**


	8. Help

**Okay, here we go. This is the longest chapter I've ever done so get comfortable and enjoy! It's also a very intense chapter! I love intense!**

**As always thank you for the reviews!!! :)**

**You're going to see Bella have some problems in this chapter… I did all the research on Post Traumatic Stress, so just know I'm no expert, but Google and Wikipedia never seem too lie.**

**There is BPOV, EPOV, and a little APOV! Enjoy**

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Help**

"_I'm glad you heard me Bella, because I'll do anything to help you."_

The basic emotions I had felt when Edward left were indescribable, but yet anyone could tell you what they were from a mile away. I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and even with Edward here telling me that he loved me and that he would not leave me, my heart still felt lost.

"Alice! Please tell me you came here by yourself?" I could feel the tears flow from my eyes.

"I did, but I also did sense that someone might be following me. Edward was only a minute behind me. I was going to tell him to leave, but I don't know, I knew I could not change his mind."

I stood up from the bench and wiped away my tears away before grabbing my book. I stared at the book and cried again before lifting my arm and violently throwing my book. Of course Edward had to catch it before it hit the ground. He knew best that sometimes you needed to let things "hit", why couldn't he have just let it fall?

"Bella please don't do that, I know how much you love this book," Edward spoke very sadly as he practically cradled the book in his arms. Ironic. I do love that book, yet the way he holds it; it's like the book needs protection from me.

"You know what I really don't care anymore! Cause this is my life now!"

I backed away from Alice and Edward and lifted both my arms into the air, pointing too reason.

"I hate this place! I hate it more than the cold rain, I…"

My speech was interrupted by a distraction. Over in the corner two patients were getting into an argument, yelling louder than I was. I turned around to their direction to see both them face to face and very angry and before I knew it the fight escalated to one of those patients being violently pushed to the ground…

"_You know if there is one thing that I'd actually want to admire about humans would be their randomness… so shut your eyes Isabella, you never know were you going to land!"_

_Everything happened in a flash. Victoria grabbed me lifted me up and with a simple small push I went flying into the air. I landed hard on the cold ground screaming out in pain, and only then did I shut my eyes._

**EPOV**

"I hate this place! I hate it more than the cold rain, I…"

Bella was yelling. I had never seen her yell before. I could see the anger in her eyes, but everything seemed to calm down when she became distracted by the fight that some patients were getting into. She stepped backward very quickly when one of the patients was pushed to the ground and before I even really thought about anything I started to walk toward her. I could see Alice glaring daggers at me as a warning but I did not stop. Sure it was a very hollow fight that Bella really did not need protection from but it was in my nature. I moved forward lightly grabbing her arm and pulled Bella a few inches away.

She did not have a bad reaction to me touching her at all, in fact she just stared straight not even looking at the scene that I was taking her away from. She was completely dazed yet terror exploded in her eyes.

"Bella," Alice's sweet voice only echoed in my mind as I kept my focus on Bella. "What's going on? What's the matter?"

Bella did not respond, but every time you looked at her it was like her eyes were digging deeper for, but I was unsure of what she was looking for, or even if she was looking. I would make an attempt now…

"Bella… Bella please…"

_Finally!_

Her eyes blinked a couple of times and she slowly turned her head to look at me, but when she did she flinched. She pulled her arm away from me and spun around. When she stopped she brought her hands to her head and cradled it before squatting down to the ground. Her body began to violently shake and she cried out.

"NO!... NO! Please! Please don't hurt me!"

"Bella I'd never…"

"Edward stop!" Alice's sweet voice turned very stern. "Don't keep pushing things; I think she might be having some kind of an episode."

"An episode? What do you mean?"

"I'm just saying, because I saw something."

"What!? You saw something, something that you could have forewarned me about."

"I had the vision before I got here, but I was not sure of what to make of it till now."

There really was no reason for me too be getting mad at Alice, but with everything that was going on with Bella I was just having a hard time understanding; but Alice usually tells me when she gets a vision.

"Then what am I supposed to do, Alice? I feel that if I'm not helping her, then I'm going to let her down again."

I bent down toward Bella's level resisting the urge to reach out to her, even knowing that I probably could not take her pain away, but I would keep my promise; I will not leave her. As long as she knew that, it would have to be good enough… for now, I just hoped that she really knew that.

"Bella… Oh my god! Bella!"

Alice and I looked to the sound of the voice to be Ava; she was completely clueless to Alice and I while almost running our way, I could tell her main focus is Bella.

"What's going on? What happened?"

Ava bent down too Bella and reached her arm out placing it on Bella's shoulder but just like with me Bella pulled away from her touch, and as she pulled away Bella lost her balance and landed on the rock-tiled ground. Luckily she was already touching the ground that her landing was soft.

Tears shattered through Bella's eyes, but they were soft as her body was becoming very fatigued.

Ava just stared at Bella with concern and shock.

'_I don't know what to do. I've never seen Bella freak out this much before."_

I listened to Ava's thoughts but yet she did not have any regrets about letting Alice see Bella that was a really good thing right now. The only doctor I trust is Carlisle, but Ava just had this kind aura to herself and it _made _me want to trust her.

"Ava, "I spoke profoundly, "Is there someone you can get who can help Bella?"

Ava finally made my presence known staring at me wide-eyed and in great shock.

"You are not supposed to be here, Dr. Morgan did not give you permission."

"Yet you let my sister see Bella." I spoke nonchalantly before realizing what I said. The people here at Willow Harbor really did not need to know that Alice is my sister – especially with Dr. Morgan's reservations about _letting_ me see Bella. Alice and I had a better chance of helping Bella if people thought we were complete strangers to each other.

Ava's gaze darted back and forth between Alice and myself.

"You said your last name was Brandon, and you like nothing like Mr. Cullen here."

"He's my half brother," Alice came up with a quick lie which was far from the truth that even Bella knew.

"Bella is my best friend and I came here by myself but I did not know that Edward followed me. He made his presence known a few minutes after you left me alone to visit Bella."

"I really don't think you should be here right now," Ava pointed at me.

"But your sister can stay, at least stay with her while I'll go get Dr. Drake."

Ava looked to Bella one more time, "Bella I'm going to get Dr. Drake okay." And then she ran off.

Bella was oblivious to Ava's words as it seemed she was back in her daze, so completely lost that she did not react when Alice lifted her off of the ground leading her back over to the bench.

Bella's tears subsided leaving her eyes stained at red. Alice left Bella to herself and came over to talk to me.

"Edward I get it, you want to help Bella… but right now you can't, but you're not going to let her down again. She knows you're here. Ava's right you need to leave."

I turned my attention to Bella once more, staring longingly.

"Edward, I'll make sure she is okay." Alice whispered.

Then it hit me, a truth that I had been denying since I first saw Bella in this place. I would be helping her, that maybe knowing that I would never leave her again would give her hope. After all Bella did state that she never stopped loving me. That was just the incentive I needed, I would help her by leaving and being in her presence by her choosing. I would do things Bella's way and maybe just maybe she will forgive me.

**APOV**

Ask anyone that really knew me, I was greatly a happy and content person, but right now I was sad. I had sensed that someone was following me on my way to Willow Harbor and I should have known that it was Edward but the only thing I saw was Bella having an episode. I was very sad when I watched Bella react the way she did; the way she reacted to the strange mental patients getting into a fight and the way she pulled herself away from Edward. I never really thought that was possible at all. Three years ago Edward and Bella were each others lives. They did everything together, even on the rarity of sunny days in Forks. She was something special to not only Edward but the rest of our family, and Edward was and still is the best thing that has ever happened to Bella. I hated how what Edward and I saw as the littlest thing – leaving Bella – could have such torturous consequences.

I knew the moment that Ava learned that Edward was my brother that he would have to leave. He would not be _leaving _Bella – he just has to leave Willow Harbor. From what I gathered from his talk with Dr. Morgan, she was not content with Edward being able to see Bella and when I tried looking forward I saw nothing were Bella's doctor was going to willingly let Edward see Bella.

"Edward, I'll make sure she is okay." I whispered to him. He looked deep in thought before leaving. Out of our whole family, I knew the most about Edward but there were always times that I was clueless to anything about him.

I preceded to go sit next to Bella but was distracted by Ava and an unknown person – whom I assumed to be Dr. Drake – almost running outside. The doctor had a syringe in his hand – but there was no reason for alarm – it did seem like he was going to use it… yet.

"Isabella, its Dr. Drake. Will you tell me what happened?"

Bella did not respond, but she turned her head to stare. If looks could kill, the doctor might be dead right now.

"Isabella is their anything you'd like to say to me?"

Bella was still very much focused and that's when I saw it…

"_Okay Ms. Swan it's time to bring you back."_

"_Ava go get the helpers…"_

_Two muscular men dressed is scrubs hold Bella down as the doctor subjects the syringe into Bella's arm._

The vision felt very uneasy. Chills radiating through my body – any colder and I might end up an ice-cube – I did not like it, but of course it was nothing new. People liked good things and hated the bad.

I know that the result of that vision would probably help Bella, but for the first time I felt what Edward felt when it comes to protecting Bella and I don't think I could handle watching that scene again without more details. So I stepped in front of Bella blocking the doctor's way.

"Excuse but who are you?"

The doctor looked over to Ava and I could see the absolute panic written in her eyes. She did not exactly get permission from anyone to let me see Bella.

"I'm Bella's friend."

The doctor gave Ava 'I want some answers' look.

"Ava, did you okay Bella's friend?"

"Uh, my names Alice, and when I got here I just saw Bella, I never even went inside."

I was lying again. Partly so I did not get Ava in trouble, and out Bella in trouble. Plus there were hardly any chances of anyone questioning my lie being that ninety-eight percent of the people are mental patients.

Ava's state of panic turned to calm as she mouthed me a thank you once the doctor turned his attention back too me.

"Well next time… Alice," He said my name sternly. "You must go inside and get consent to visit your friend, its policy, this is after all a mental institution."

"Yes, I will do that."

"I'm going to have to ask you to move, so I can help my patient."

I turned back around to Bella who looked a little more comfortable on the bench. Except she was not in her daze anymore. She had bent her legs her legs to where she hugged her knee's to her chest while rocking back and forth.

"Are you going to inject her with whatever is in that syringe?" I asked austerely. I really needed to know, and could not risk attempting to get a vision in front of so many humans.

"I can't really discuss stuff like this with non-patients, but I can tell that this is just a sedative and it's going to put her out for a couple hours. That's all I can say, now will you please move?"

If I were to try and protect Bella from the doctor I'd be a hypocrite for getting Edward to leave. I did not trust the doctor, but a sedative – I knew what they were, thanks to Carlisle – it would calm her down then she would _sleep_ for a couple hours and maybe things would be at least a little bit better.

I stepped aside and the doctor rushed to Bella, injecting they syringe before Bella could even react.

* * *

'…_Edward's memory can't hold you back forever, and if it does it could have serious consequences.'_

_Those were the last words I listened to the counselor speak before fleeing the room. Why did she have to say that? Now it was the only thing on my mind. I'm in so much pain, physically and emotionally but yet I miss Edward. Our love was not just some high-school romance, it went way beyond that, but would I let my pain take me down?_

_When I arrived home Charlie was not their, but instead a note saying he would be at work till a late hour. I was happy about that, for I could get away with him questioning me about what was going through my head when he reminded me that I had school earlier this morning. I could easily lie, but Charlie had been subjected too my grief over the past year and he'd easily be able to identify it._

_My homework was done, house clean, and there is nothing I need to cook. Perfect incentive to get out of this house before I go stir crazy._

_I stepped out into the cold air breathing it in. There was something different about the cold today. I had kind of gotten use to it, but it felt like it was when I returned to Forks almost two-years ago. I did not like it, but I was admissible to it._

_I slowly walked around the back of the house, not really thinking but trying to enjoy myself – if it was possible. I walked further away from the house till I was at the opening of the woods. I just stared at the vast opening. Edward was never keen on me going into the woods even if it was with him, and I had promised him that I would stay out of trouble… well all promises were meant to be broken…_

'_You are my life now.'_

'_I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here.'  
_

'_Bella, I won't let anything hurt you — not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise.'  
_

'_I will stay with you — isn't that enough?'  
_

'_Yes, it is enough. Enough for forever.'__  
_

_I put all those memories aside to prepare myself to make the first step. The last time I was in the woods things did not end so well, but I could not think about that – even with all the pain it had brought on. Maybe my counselor was right, I could not let any memories hold me back, and for reasons I did not understand myself I wanted to go into the woods._

_With a deep breath I took my first step without hesitation. In some weird way it felt good, really good and I moved forward. Taking faster steps while watching for every possibilities of tripping or falling. Well, I should known better. I got so excited that I stopped looking at the ground and the moment I looked up my right foot intertwined with a thick branch sticking out the ground; my ankle bent, and I fell to the ground._

"_Ow! Damn it!"_

_I sat myself a little bit comfortable on the ground and examined my ankle. I could already see start to swell, but this was something I was use too. Definitely nothing new._

"_Bella?" an unexpected voice radiated my way._

_I turned to voice, and I who I saw just made me want to fall more into the ground._

"_Rosalie?"_

**Can I guess that you did not expect that? There won't be another flashback again next chapter because I don't want to rush things, there is a lot more to come. **

**Please leave a review and chapter nine will be up soon.**


	9. Discoveries

**Thank you, thank you, and thank you for the reviews! 100 is amazing!!!!!! Here is chapter nine, oh and Rosalie's purpose in this story will be coming…**

**There will be a second page break and that starts as EPOV at the Cullen home in Forks.**

**This chapter also gives a glimpse of the future of Bella and Edward in this story – you'll have to read to find out. But I will say they are not going to get back together till towards the end of this story.**

**Chapter nine: Discoveries**

* * *

BPOV

"_Rosalie?"_

My vision was cloudy as I awoke and I felt very fatigued, just wanting to go back to sleep but I could not for once my vision cleared, I noticed I was back in my room. How did I get here? The last thing I remembered was Alice.

"_Well that's the first I've seen you smile, yep there's no turning back now…" With her final world she walked away to go back inside, but was not gone long. She returned with Alice. Alice practically hopped down the steps while continually smiling. I ran to Alice and hugged her._

"_Alice, you don't how happy I am to see you."_

"Alice?!"

I sat up in my bed and looked around hoping that she might still be here. Maybe she could tell me how I ended up in my room. I got slowly out of bed and started a walk towards the door. I was a foot away from the door when it opened, sadly though it was not Alice but Dr. Morgan.

"Ah, Isabella you're awake."

"Yeah, aha, uh how did I get here? The last thing I remember was being outside with a friend." I could not believe myself, I was being very open with Dr. Morgan.

"Oh, you mean Ms. Brandon right?"

"Yeah, where is she?"

"She left, but you probably don't remember since you had a possible episode."

"How, what happened?" I spoke nonchalantly; I could not sit back and wait for my help to just appear out of thin air. I needed answers.

"Well according to some witnesses you reacted when you saw two patients getting into a fight that turned a bit violent."

"Yeah, who wouldn't," I spoke sarcastically.

"I'm guessing you don't know very much about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?"

She was right. The only thing I really concluded, was what psychiatrists called it PTSD, and I got it after Victoria attacked me in the woods.

"No, I don't"

I never even really wanted to know more about PTSD till now. When Dr. Morgan first concluded that was what I had, it was not a surprise; especially after what happened with Victoria, but my first conclusion of why Charlie and Renee brought me too Willow Harbor was because of the state I was in. I knew it and so did everyone else. I was depressed and basically lost the will to enjoy life after Edward left.

"Well the title says it all Isabella and that fight you saw was a symptom or reaction of PTSD."

I just stared at her, hoping she would get the message to continue. When she started talking again I turned away and walked back to the bed. I sat on the edge and stared at her intently.

"Well the littlest things can trigger bad memories from whatever happened to you. Certain actions like familiar noise, movement, even a simple knock on the door can will make PTSD patients react badly, and in your case you had some kind of an episode. You did not like what you saw and it scared you."

"Bella I've just told a much as I can, but I need you to return the favor. Please tell me something about what happened to you. Just one little thing will help, after all a little can go along way. I can tell you that getting help is going to be the easy part, I just need to know more."

She was right, I desperately needed help. I just needed a way to tell her about Victoria without symbolizing _vampire_.

* * *

"Edward! You should not have followed me!"

"I know Alice, but I don't regret it because I got a glimpse of what is going on with Bella."

"She had some kind of an episode but still that tells us so little!" Alice was very quick when it came to responding but she was telling me things I already knew.

Alice turned around in front of me stopping me from going into Carlisle's office.

"Maybe we just have to let the doctors do their work Edward."

"I get that Alice, but there is just a part of me that still wants to protect her. I don't trust her doctor but yet I want them to help her. I just want her back."

Alice's look of seriousness turned sympathetic; sometimes I wondered if Jasper had a permanent affect on her. She is always nonchalantly changing her emotions without looking back.

"I do to Edward."

Alice moved aside and I preceded my way into Carlisle's office. I would attempt to do some research on my own till Carlisle got here. Alice walked in behind me, practically sniffing the air.

"It feels good to be back here," She spoke happily.

"Yeah, I forgot how much I missed this place."

Then night after I first saw Bella at Willow Harbor my family had made a decision to return to Forks. I came first, followed by Alice, and the others would be returning within the rest of the day.

Alice looked at me skeptically.

"What do you miss more? This place or Bella?" She asked a question where the answer was already obvious.

I just smiled at her and went over to Carlisle's computer too look through his psychiatric files.

"Well then, now that I really know you are committed I have some good news."

'_Bella,'_

I turned to her looking eager, she had news about Bella.

"Edward my visions usually never lie, and this one was a little ahead into the future but she is going to get better because I see you and Bella getting married."

I did not even have to think about how to answer that. Getting married to Bella was something I had always thought about doing but no one in the family – except Esme – knew that part yet.

"Well it sure is going to make proposing easy." I spoke while pulling out the small velvet box from my pocket.

"Oh, you! You got a ring?!" Alice squealed.

"Yeah, it was my original plan for when I returned, of course I did not expect Bella to be in a mental institution."

I tossed her the box, and when she saw the ring she was grinning.

"Esme gave it too me!"

"Edward! WOW! This is perfect!"

"Yeah but don't tell anyone, I don't want anything official till I get Bella back and even with your good news I still need some answers. Will you help me?"

"Yes, I will."

Alice tossed the ring back and began looking through Carlisle's books. I went back to the computer. Like Alice had said, I knew very little about what is going on with Bella, but I would work with it.

Xxxx

Alice and I had been reading books, journals, articles, and anything else we could find for the past three hours. We had come up with some conclusions but none of them seemed very logical when we had very little information. Another half-hour had past and Alice found something.

"I'd sneak you way back to Willow Harbor and listen to Dr. Morgan's thoughts for confirmation or if I'm even right but Bella might have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder… it is the only thing that makes sense right now, you said that when listening to Charlie's thoughts you made a conclusion of Bella being in the woods with Victoria and Bella had a reaction when those strange patients got in that fight, reactions like that are symptoms of PTSD…"

I was not sure, I was not sure at all but it did make sense, it was the only thing that came close to Bella's _symptoms_. I picked up my cell phone and dialed Carlisle; I could not wait till he got here.

"Carlisle, what can you tell me about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?"

**Please leave a review, hope the chapter was not boring but it was essential because Bella is going to start opening up more, and I need to address the future of Bellward! **

**Lately it's been like a week before I update but there should be a new chapter up by Friday. Don't forget to review! Please and thank you! ******


	10. Rosalie and Victoria flashback

**We made it over a hundred reviews, YAY! The most amazing reviews ever, thank you!**

**Well here is chapter ten; it is a flashback chapter so it's not in italics. It's a continuation from the last flashback that where Bella sees Rosalie. In this Bella is going to think that Rosalie is lying but she's not. Rosalie is telling the truth.**

* * *

Chapter ten: Rose and Victoria (flashback)

"Rosalie?"

Just when I thought things could not get any worse, they did. The only member of the Cullen family that hated me stood over me. Usually I never failed to notice her impeccable beauty but all I noticed was the shock and surprise written all over her face.

"Bella, I should have known it was you, you'd be the only one stupid enough to come out into the woods and… trip."

"What are you doing here?" I spoke earnestly while standing up to face Rosalie.

"Well it seems I 'm the only one in the family who's willing to take big risks and let's face it you're a great risk."

"What are you talking about?" I felt confused, but everything was just indescribable right now.

"Keeping Edward out of this, my family has just been miserable without you. Day by day your name comes up at least twenty times. It can get annoying at times, but I could not stand it anymore, especially with my husband so I decided to get my family to stop sulking… by taking a great risk coming back to Forks to check up in you."

I just stared at her. I could not believe her words, the Cullen's still cared about me, and I could not believe I had affected them so greatly. There was no way… _'Keeping Edward out of this'_ If the Cullen's still cared about me, I wonder what that meant on Edward's part.

"What do you mean by keeping Edward out of this?"

"He left Forks when he did, but we have not seen him in almost a year, no one has."

I had expected some petty comment, where Rosalie could act smug when talking about Edward, something that made her proud to tell me something about Edward that would not make me happy, but what she said was totally unexpected. I could never imagine something like that to be true, after all she did basically say the Cullen's still cared about me, and Rosalie would most likely do anything too make sure I did not linger in their thoughts anymore.

"That's a lie! Edward would never leave his family!"

"Are you sure about that, Bella? After all, Edward had promised to never leave you," The way she was speaking, she sounded lethal. Her eyes on the edge of darkness, and then she just smiled at me and that's when the memories that were the most vivid in my mind came to me again.

'_You are my life now.'_

'_I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here.'  
_

'_Bella, I won't let anything hurt you — not even yourself. I won't let go of you once, I promise.'  
_

'_I will stay with you — isn't that enough?'  
_

'_Yes, it is enough. Enough for forever.'_

"You are A LYING BITCH you did not come here to check up on me for your family, you just wanted to get a share of my pain, and I won't let you!" I was on the verge on yelling but I was so tired; plus it was not like my yelling would affect her at all. I was feeling greatly exasperated.

"You know what you're right, I am bitch, but I would never lie when it comes to my family. Not only are they miserable without you, but they are also miserable without Edward."

I would always know that part to be true. Edward is an essential part of the Cullen family. He is like a piece to a puzzle, the piece that makes the puzzle work. Edward use to be that piece for me. Maybe she was telling the truth. Tears immediately streamed through my eyes, for my anger and hate for Edward leaving was greatly trumping my love for him right now.

"There is nothing that crying will…"

Rosalie started to speak but stopped dead sentence. She turned her head around looking through the woods. She stared intently and let a growl erupted through her and all of the sudden the wind blew smoothly but intently, and I all of the sudden felt not right. A chill ran down my spine as I watched Rosalie, unsure of anything and my anger was slowly disappearing.

"Werewolves," Rosalie spoke cruelly, but it was the word _werewolves_ that shot immediate fear into me. It also made me wonder if Rosalie would protect me from the dangers of the woods.

"Bella," Rosalie turned around to face me. "Stay here, I'll be back."

I did not even bother to ask why, she probably would not tell me. Rosalie disappeared in a flash, and I stood in place while debating staying like Rosalie told me too or to run back home. I took a couple of steps forward in the direction that took me home but stopped when I heard a wicked laugh erupt through the woods, but the voice was not Rosalie. I turned around to see the nomadic, flaming-red haired vampire, Victoria; former mate of James who came after me almost two-years ago, and I could see it, written all over her face but most off all her eyes they were read on the edge of black, a dark blood look. I could not shake the feeling that I would be her new prey, but even more that I would be the prey she killed in vengeance for her lost mate, James. I immediately looked away from her and decided to the one thing that I knew would not get me anywhere. I took a step away and began to mouth _Rosalie_ but Victoria beat to the punch. She was in front me before I knew it she gripped my shoulders and pushed me up against a tree. I felt a pang of pain, but it was not that bad for I had felt worse.

"Rosalie! Rosalie please help me. She won't help you; well let's just say the werewolves will keep her occupied."

"What? What did..."

She cute me off and brought her hand up and covered my mouth to stop me from speaking.

"I just watched your little exchange with Rosalie. She does not seem to like you that much."

I could not speak, and even if I could I probably would not get a chance. I'd most likely be dead in a flash, and the fact that Victoria just said that Rosalie would be kept occupied mean that any hope I had of Rosalie helping me just faded. I would be dead very soon.

"Neither do I," Victoria continued. "I don't like the fact that James lost, lost in an attempt to just taste your blood. I had assumed that he would come out the winner and was crushed when I learned of his _death_…. You know the human world has this perception of vampire being cold people without feelings, well they got one party right. We are cold, but we never stop feeling. I felt for James the way Edward felt for you. "

I really hated this. This was the part in the movies were the psychopath-killer makes a speech before he or she makes a kill. I always hated that part, but it seemed to delay Victoria from killing me.

"I don't think I will ever be able to understand why someone of my own nature could love a human, but Edward did love you… so anything I wanted do to Edward passed, and you Isabella seemed very logical. Edward kills what I love most, so I'm going to kill what he loved most…"

I felt like I might cry and collapse at the same time, but I would not give Victoria any satisfaction in shedding tears and collapsing was not even an option, for Victoria was so strong I could not move at all.

"You know if there is one thing that I'd actually want to admire about humans would be their randomness… so shut your eyes Isabella, you never know were you going to land!"

Everything happened in a flash. Victoria grabbed me lifted me up and with a simple small push I went flying into the air. I landed hard on the cold ground screaming out in pain, and only then did I shut my eyes_._

"But I'm going to have a little fun first!"

Those were the last words I took in before she picked me up again and floated off into oncoming darkness.

**Well once again sorry for the late update, my life is busier than thought. I'd update more frequently but I also like to let a chapter get its fif**_**teen minutes of fame**_** before bringing on another chapter. The next chapter will be a long one, I did some combining and re-writing for a long chapter to make up for the short ones that I have been posting lately. Please leave a review!**


	11. Insight

**I'm really sorry about the late update, my internet has been screwy because of bad weather and I could not seem to upload documents. That's what you get with dial-up (thought the internet is not that slow), funny though, I decide to get a new internet service and now my documents upload.**

**I planned on updating two days ago but the login things was not working.**

**This chapter starts a day after Bella's talk with Dr. Morgan in chapter nine.**

**The beginning of this chapter Bella may come off as mean, but it's just apart the process of her getting better so she does not sit back and be quiet anymore, so she's not held back by what happened. Also this chapter starts as BPOV, and then it goes to a short Rosalie POV, and then back to Bella, and then switches to an italics flashback. The Flashback is post Twilight, post the prom in Twilight.**

**According to Microsoft word this is nine pages long, my longest yet with over 4000 words so enjoy!!**

Chapter eleven: Insight

* * *

It was just yesterday that I _really_ started opening up more too Dr. Morgan, and following I was plagued by more dreams. This time the dreams surrounded Victoria, and being in the woods, and what she did too me. There was even one dream that featured Rosalie which made absolutely no sense. Rosalie hated me, and I don't know why I'd be dreaming about her; she is definitely the last person I need to be thinking of.

Today I would be attending another group therapy session, and I was expected too do some talking. It is a step I have to take, but it just sends chills down my spine and makes me very nervous. Nervous about the fact that it's group therapy for mental patients; nervous about what I might talk about, and nervous that I was still not sure on how to not symbolize _vampires_.

My day started like it always does; I wake up and lay in bed to fully too let myself wake up and then I join the others for breakfast, following a relaxing shower. I finished my shower, brushed my hair and teeth, slipped on my robe and made my way back into my room. I was just finished with getting dressed when Ava arrived.

"Hey." She spoke with a smile.

"Hey." I responded without looking at her.

"So I hear you're going to be in the spotlight today." She seemed hesitant when she spoke, but I was not.

"Wow! You seem to be the only person here I know that can keep things to themselves! Let me guess did Dr. Morgan tell you!"

"Yes," She was not hesitant this time.

The fact just made me angry. I never expected to be the center of attention when I got here. I knew that Dr. Morgan had other patients, but whatever happened to doctor-patient confidentiality? Sure I did not mind Ava knowing something's but not everything, but most of all it made me question Dr. Morgan's ability to help me. I did not want people to know that I was going to start talking today, and now it would just make things harder on me in therapy…

"Look Bella, I was the one that asked. I was concerned after what happened with your friends."

My friends-my family. They were my family, they would always be my family – no matter what – but I just could not think about them right now, I needed to stay focused, but yet just thinking about my family calmed some of my anger, but not all of it.

"Okay then... but I was told all about doctor-patient confidentiality, and expect things to stay that way. I'm not someone who likes being in the spotlight, in fact the less people that know about my _condition_ the better!"

"I'm sorry Bella, I thought that letting your friend-"

"AVA! Just let it go okay! Your apologies and regrets are not going to get me anywhere but maybe when I get better I can appreciate your help!"

Ava just stared at me in shock. I was never angry towards her but seeing the look on her face just made actually want to go to group therapy, and it would make it so much easier because I did not feel nervous anymore.

"Well I'll let you be then." She spoke softly. It was barely above a whisper.

And she did. She walked emotionless out of my room and I did not feel guilty at all.

* * *

RPOV

The deer hit the cold ground with a pang but I doubted an animal could even feel that pain or even attempt too. My teeth quickly pierced deep into its skin and I took in the crimson-silk like blood… I could feel myself become immediately energized but I still sucked the deer dry.

I ejected my teeth from the now dead deer and began to lick my lips when Emmett rounded the corner, he was practically bouncing. Yep, he had his meal.

"Hey Babe! You done?"

"Yeah, I just finished." I smiled at him and he smiled back. I rushed over to Emmett placing my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a quick kiss.

"Do we have to go back right away?" I was referring to the fact that the rest of my family was spread out in Carlisle's office going through everything medical about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and how Bella could possibly have it. Of course everyone took a break to go hunting and I was ecstatic when that time came for Emmett and I to hunt; I just could not look at anymore medical journals.

"Come one Rose… You know Carlisle and Edward could use our help, especially since it means helping Bella."

"I'm so sick about hearing about Bella. Just let her own doctors help her." I spoke in a hoarse manner.

I don't think I'd ever have anything good to say when it came to Isabella Swan, but I did not like the idea of her being in a mental institution… if there was anything that could make me cringe, mental institutions would do that, but I did not want to be the one to help her. I was not gifted like that.

"Babe, come on! There has too be some part of you that likes Bella… I care about her, and want to help. You helped protect her with the James situation, why won't you help her now?"

I could list off a million reasons why I did not want too help Bella, but I could not let my guard down. There was no way I could tell my family about my visit to Bella last year… there was no way, it would only make things worse and make them feel even worse about themselves.

* * *

"Okay, Bella why don't you go next?"

I sat very comfortably on the oversized chair but sized my posture and tilted my head when it came to be my turn. It was really now just hitting me.

"Uh… I, uh… I'm not sure how to start."

"That's okay Bella. Just take your time," Dr. Morgan spoke very sympathetically.

Wow! What a hypocrite! She is okay with telling Ava and possibly other people stuff about me but when we are both in the _spotlight_ she acts very normal, like she was unexpected of the fact that I would talk.

"Like I've stated many times before is that group therapy is one way for patients to get to know each other a bit, and to make it easier for patients to find some kind of comfort; to make it easy to talk knowing that the patient is not the only one with problems. So whatever you want too say, we'll listen."

I looked around the room at the other patients. Some stared at me, one person stared off into space, while another feigned sleep, some acted like they did not care, there was one guy that was literally cross eyed and would not stop staring at Dr. Morgan, one woman was biting her nails, and the last patient that spoke was on the verge of tears.

I breathed in and breathed out, and lifted my head back up.

"Well my name is Bella, and I'm here because I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because I was the victim of an almost torturous-violent attack," I could only guess that there was no simpler way too state the facts, but I could not believe the way I just said that.

Some of the patients all turned there gaze toward me while literally gaping; I guess I could assume that "violent-torturous attack" was not apart of their regular vocabulary. I finally looked at Dr. Morgan... She sat back in her chair and her eyes gazed at me; she had a look of someone being very absorbed in a book.

"But before I get to that I want to talk about the other reason that I'm here… I had found love and lost it, and even though I never stopped loving him, he is the reason why I became to have depression... his name is Edward."

* * *

_I had started to feel tired toward the end of the night and by the time I sat comfortably in Edward's Volvo, I could have easily fallen asleep but it would do much for Edward would have me home in like five minutes; So I feigned sleep, maybe he would carry me into the house, these heels Alice had me were __**murder**__. I lent my head against the window and shut my eyes, and like I predicted, five minutes later the car stopped, arms gripped my shoulders, and Edward whispered into my ear._

"_Bella, love we're home," He spoke so softly but yet his voice sounded so seductive. _

_I yawned, and lifted my head up from the window and looked out into the darkness; in fact it was too dark for being at my house. _

"_Edward, where are we?"_

"_Were at my place, you get too stay with me tonight."_

_Edward released his arms off of my shoulders and I turned my head around to stare at him._

"_I don't think that's a good idea. Charlie expected you too bring me home tonight." I spoke warily and then looked away from Edward in knowing that whatever he said next would just convince me, he could dazzle me on almost anything._

"_Well, Esme talked to Charlie. She had him convinced in less than five minutes."_

"_Yeah, okay. But why do you want me to stay here?"_

"_I thought it be nice for a change, plus isn't that what boyfriends and girlfriends do? Stay at each other's houses? Plus it would make Alice really happy!"_

_I loved when he talked about human things, but he was right. It would be nice if I'd stay at the Cullen home some more, which meant even more time with Edward. Like that was possible, with an exception of hunting his spent his whole days with me. I kind of liked it that he can't sleep._

"_Okay."_

_Edward was out of the car and to the passenger side door. He opened the door while I took my seatbelt off, and as I predicted he picked me up and carried me into the house. _

"_Bella! I'm so glad you decided to stay! Edward take her too my room, I've got clothes for her to sleep in."_

_I knew I should have seen that one coming. The Cullen's had everything. _

_Edward took me upstairs to Alice's room with Alice following. He sat me down on the bed, placed a kiss on my forehead and left me too change. I traded my dress, for a nice pair of black sweat pants and a lacy silk tank top. Alice even messed around with my hair putting in a __**simple**__ponytail. I walked out of Alice's room, and in Edward fashion he was standing up against the wall. He scooped my up in his arms again and we went to his room, were there was a bed._

"_You. Have. A. Bed!" I exclaimed a bit shocked. I knew that he did not sleep, and I think this is the first bed I've seen throughout the whole house. The bed was about a queen size, with three different blankets, about ten pillows, and colored in a dark blue. _

"_Yeah, you do need a place to sleep. I would not have it any other way."_

"_WOW! Am I supposed to say thank you?"_

"_You can say anything to me Bella." Edward spoke very sweetly._

"_Well thank you, I guess."_

_Edward put me down, and I maneuvered too the bed taking away some of the pillows and pulling the really heavy comforter off before getting under the covers. Edward joined me after turning off the lights; I rested my face and half my body on his chest as his arms secured around my waist._

"_So, did you have a good time tonight?" Edward asked._

"_I think I did but don't get use to it."_

_He chuckled, and I could just feel his smile radiating down at me._

"_You say that now, but I got you too prom so the possibilities are endless."_

"_The possibilities are endless and ongoing for you. You've got till the end of time, I don't" I spoke a bit sadly. Edward had already lived a hundred years and he would most likely live another hundred, but I would get to be in his life for – hopefully – eighty of that one-hundred. _

"_Bella don't even talk like that, time is a slow process. Trust me, the both of us got forever."_

"_How can we possibly have forever when I get older everyday?" Everything turned serious._

_Edward was silent now. I had to bring it up; I did not like the idea of being older or even older then him. I know Edward would stay with me at old age even but that would just be weird. He did not like the idea of me becoming what he is, but sometimes the greatest sacrifice could do so much._

"_Bella I love you and I really don't want to discuss the issue anymore. I love you, and I'm always going to be here for you. I can hold you – just like this – in my arms till the end of time. No matter what the situation is, I won't let you go."_

* * *

"I don't think anyone should judge when it comes to young love, because I was seventeen when I met Edward and I was head-over-heels for him and now I'm twenty and I know I still feel the same way about him. Edward was a constant in my life, he was the reason I stayed in Forks, reason that I wanted to go to school, and hell even go to prom. He was my everything and so much more… and when he left me, it was like someone had ripped my heart away. I lost my reason to live, to go to school, to go to school functions. I vaguely remember my dad talking to my mom, he referred to me as a lifeless zombie, but I was later told it was like I was catatonic. Love can be the greatest thing ever but it also hurts."

Dr. Morgan was still staring at me debating on what she should say next.

"With the time you spent with Edward, the love you shared. Was it worth it despite the depression?"

That would-could be the big debate. Right now I was more in the stare of getting help for my Post Traumatic Stress, and it was true that I was basically catatonic after I left so I did not feel much of anything, but still I was hurt emotionally. When Renee and Charlie told me where there were taking me I told myself that anything I ever felt for Edward was a big lie because the sooner I got my help, then I would not have to stay here forever; I had just told Edward that I never stopped loving him, and I still loved him.

"I don't know."

"Can I ask why?"

"Because if I were to say no I feel that I might be betraying Edward."

"But didn't he betray you?"

"Betrayal is too strong of a word, but yes it does go in that direction."

"You just said that and I quote when he left me, it was like someone had ripped my heart away. It should be easy to say no that the love you felt was not worth that pain."

"I part of me feels like I want to say no, but my love with Edward was the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

"You were young though, and have the rest of your life to find love again."

WOW! Some doctor! Is she trying to help me or just piss me off?

"DID YOU NOT HEAR A WORD I SAID?! I TOLD YOU KNOW ONE SHOULD JUGE WHEN IT COMES TO YOUNG LOVE!" I was angry again.

"Your right Bella," I looked over in the direction of a patient who was younger than me. Her name was Sarah, she was about sixteen years old with strawberry blonde hair, her height was about the same as Alice, but she was about three inches taller. I had actually listened to her talk in past sessions. Her parents were never happy with each other when she was growing up and they only stayed together because of Sarah and her siblings. She had talked about her boyfriend and how he was her escape from her parents, she had fallen in love too; if felt good to have someone on my side.

"Despite the hard times, love is the ultimate escape. If one chooses, then love can be the most wonderful thing ever as long as you don't have regrets; because regrets are monsters."

* * *

What Sarah had said really got to me – mostly her statement about regrets being monsters. I had never really had any regrets in my life – any that I remembered – but it seems no matter how I answered Dr. Morgan I would regret my answer. Edward was one of the best things that ever happened to me but look at where I am now, somewhere I don't want be but yet I know I need the help. I just did not have a simple answer. Was all the love I shared with Edward worth all this pain? The even sad part is I partially blame Edward for the other reason that I'm here. Victoria was the reason I had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder but I had to get through my depression first before _confronting_ what Victoria did to me.

"Bella," A very sweet but sad voiced echoed towards me, I turned around face-to-face with Sarah.

"Hi."

"I just wanted to say how much I admired how you just stood your ground and yelled at Dr. Morgan."

That was when I realized I had regret and that Sarah was right, regrets are monsters.

"Yeah, but I probably should not have if I really want her help."

"Well she is our Doctor for a reason so she has to be good at her doctor, but I've been her for three years and Dr. Morgan tries to go straight to the core of things before taking the steps that gets too the core."

"Wow! Maybe you should be my doctor."

Sarah let out a little laugh at that comment.

"Well I do know this much, don't ever give up that fact that you loved Edward, cause in the end that can make or brake you."

I let out a laugh also, ever since the day I met Edward my life story was what she just said 'make or break you'.

"Well thank you," I spoke with a smile and walked away, I really did not want to get into any small talk. I did not even do small talk when I talked with Ava. I had no reason for small talk. From now on my focus would be getting help; for reasons I could not really explain – to anyone – Willow Harbor had a claustrophobic feeling to it.

On the journey back to my room I was stopped yet again. This time by Dr. Morgan.

"Isabella." Yep she only called me Isabella when she was serious. I guess I had done wrong by yelling at her.

"I was very impressed with the starting progress you made today in group."

I sighed in relief because knowing Dr. Morgan, the first things she would have brought up was me yelling at her. It also felt good to hear what she just said. Any type of progress was good with me.

"Yeah I think it was."

"I really hope to see more of that in group and private sessions. Which we will do one tomorrow."

"Okay," I hesitated with what I would say next, but I had too, for it would weigh on me for the rest of the night. "Are you mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" She spoke cheerfully.

"I yelled at you in group."

"I will admit you wouldn't be the first, but in all fairness it happens. I think I was waiting for you to yell."

"I'm sorry… you were waiting for me to yell? So, what everything you asked me in group was just coercion, and not an attempt to help me?"

"In a way it was both. Ever since you got here it's like you've been in your own little shell barely talking in group therapy and private sessions. I really needed to see you break out of that shell, and your yelling proved that to me. Thought my questions were honest and genuine, I was not lying when I said I was impressed with the progress you made today."

That was one of the best answers I had heard all day.

"Well for both our sakes can we not let that happen again? I'm usually not an angry person... well I've never been angry till Edward left me."

"About that, I need to ask-"

"Look, Dr. Morgan you just said you were impressed with the progress I made today, and I really do not want to talk anymore. I just want to go back to my room and sleep. I'll answer more of your questions tomorrow with our private session." I turned away from Dr. Morgan and walked back to my room uninterrupted.

Of course I should have known someone would interrupt me when I got settled for night. I was in bed reaching over too the lamp to turn it off when I heard a soft knock on the door and Ava entered.

"I see that your ready for bed so I won't take much of your time, I'm just delivering your mail."

"Oh, thank you." I said simply without making eye contact with her, I was really tired and not in a talking mood anymore.

She sat about three envelopes on my bed and left. I would look at them in the morning so I grabbed them and opened the drawer of the stand next to my bed, but then the top envelope not of normal size that caught my eye. There was no return address, but the lettering on it was calligraphy… right then and there I knew the letter was from Edward. So I opened it. Inside was a red rose and single piece of paper, with a written poem.

_I look into these eyes_

_I see that you are mine_

_With all the tears you cried_

_I see this as the perfect time_

_To take those tears away_

_To bring you back to me_

_I make a plan to stay_

_I plan to make you see_

_You are the one for me_

_I love you Bella!_

I read his poem over and over till I was really tired. This poem was very moving, but it also relayed a message, a message that I really now believed to be true. Edward will stop at nothing to get me back but on my end it would take a little time.

Page break

**Okay so I hope that was long enough for you, and I will not make you wait two weeks again before I update. The poem I just made up, but I hope it's not already work because I'm not a plagiarist, so if it's a poem already out there I'm very sorry and give credit to its creator, but if it's not it's all mine. I just sat at the computer and it all just came to me. Please leave a review and chapter twelve will be coming your way!**


	12. The Plan

**Thanks for the reviews, and once again I'm sorry for the late update. Ok so some of you have figured out Rosalie's connection to this story and well I wanted it to be a surprise but whatever. I hope you reviewers are not getting bored with the story…**

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: The Plan**

_I look into these eyes_

_I see that you are mine_

_With all the tears you cried_

_I see this as the perfect time_

_To take those tears away_

_To bring you back to me_

_I make a plan to stay_

_I plan to make you see_

_You are the one for me_

_I love you Bella!_

This poem had really touched me. The same way the Lullaby he wrote me did. Edward is very versatile. I had read this poem so much that the paper was being worn down from being folded and un-folded so much. Now, I could feel myself wanting to let in. I felt myself wanting to cry happy tears, but even if I were to have a small moment of happiness, it would not change anything. The first sensation of happiness that I wish to felt was walking out of Willow Harbor and never looking back; I would get the help I needed, and leave this place. My emotions were not exactly in check, but now Edward inevitable no matter what my emotions and feelings are.

The hot water of the shower calmed me, as I laved myself with soap. I would go into my one-on-one session in high spirits, I found that as of yesterday that when I was not sulking of therapy that I could really open up.

I grabbed a towel then stepped out the shower. I was hit with an immediate whiff of cold air. I shivered, and then turned on the water in the sink. It took a minute to become warm and I put my hands in it, it helped shake away the cold. Admittedly – even after all this time – the only cold thing I could really _handle _was Edward.

Once the cold passed I brushed my hair and teeth before putting on my robe and going back to my room to get dressed. I almost decided on a short sleeve shirt but that just showed some of my scars. Those scars were one of the things that added to the PTSD but I was not ready for anyone to see them – I never even told Ava or my parents about the scars – and Dr. Morgan might just send me to my own personal white room if she knew about the scars.

On one arm there were to scars indented like teeth marks. Together they shaped a full circle.

'_I'm going to finish were James started.'_

I blinked my eyes several times and shook my head in trying to block out the memory of were Victoria had bit me. Were she had made the scar from James a complete circle.

My mom had once said that a circle is never ending, and when Victoria made that circle complete it was more than her vengeful mark; Victoria knew what she was doing that night, she knew that is would cause me unimaginable pain. She did not want that pain to end, so she bit me… but not to taste my blood but to change me. To make me a monster too live with the pain till the end of time.

But I was saved, someone saved me. If I knew who that person was then maybe this process could go faster, but the chances were greatly that I'd never know but one thing is for sure is that the person who saved me was a vampire.

* * *

"So we can start off were left yesterday, or you can start with something new."

I sat across from Dr. Morgan in a spacious chair; I sat cross legged with my arms folded across my stomach. Dr. Morgan's office was very small but itemized. She had tons of books, a desk filled with clutter, several file cabinets, and a computer with a printer and the other necessities. I took in all these items; it would be what I'd look at when I did not want to look Dr. Morgan. When I was in group therapy I usually looked at the other patients. I took in some of the other things in her office, and then with a deep breath I began talking.

"I still don't know if the love I felt for Edward is worth all this pain but he is only a partial of that pain."

"How is he a partial?" Dr. Morgan eyed me curiously while preparing to write something in her notebook which safely sitting on a clip board.

"He is a partial because he was not _exactly_ the cause of the PTSD but he is kind of connected to it. Connected to person who caused the PTSD." I said quietly. This was going to be harder then I thought – oh by the way my ex-boyfriend is a vampire, and Victoria, the woman that attacked is also a vampire. Yeah, there was no way I could say that, there was just no way I could speak of vampires in any way, shape, or form.

Dr. Morgan jotted something down on her paper then looked back at me, she leaned forward a bit. Whenever she did that I knew she was going to say something were I would otherwise disagree or would not want to listen.

"I think everyone in this world is connected. One person can't stand alone and create the human race. So however Edward is connected to-"

"Victoria," I spat out. I had never really told Dr. Morgan about who Victoria was, but when I would talk about the dreams – more like nightmares – I had mentioned her name but never got detail oriented when it came to Victoria.

Dr. Morgan seemed shock but in a blink of an eye she sat back more comfortably in her chair and wrote some more things down.

"Victoria, this is the one from your dreams."

"Nightmares," I spoke rigidly. "They are nightmares."

"But one could argue that dreams and nightmares are the same thing. A state of unconsciousness that puts in worlds that we can't even imagine in the real world. Dreams can be happy, sad, and terrifying." She spoke very nonchalantly; she looked like she could just go on for hours.

"That's why they call the terrifying one's nightmares." I responded

"But the thing is, are they really dreams-or nightmares if you're dreaming in past tense?" I asked.

"That is just a symptom of the PTSD." Dr. Morgan put her words as a suggestion.

"What would really help Bella is if could tell me more about Victoria, and how she is connected to Edward."

I stared blankly at nothing, as realization set in. I would be her forever. There was just no way I could explain Edward and Victoria, I would never betray Edward-the Cullen's or myself.

"Bella… Bella… Isabella. Please tell me I did not lose her again." Dr. Morgan spoke to herself. While continued to stare, I could not break my focus. I heard the Doc mutter something then leave the room with her heels clicking so loud that they echoed. She was obviously in a hurry. Once I was sure the Doctor was gone I got out of my reverie, stood up from my chair and walked to her desk. There in the clutter was a cell phone. It paid to study Dr. Morgan's office. I grabbed the phone and skipped the door.

I peeked my head out of the door. I could not hear or see anyone... it would be the best chance I could get. I put the cell phone in my pocked and exited the office in a run.

**Please leave a review, chapter thirteen is on the way. If you'd like, you should check out my new story: Twilight, All human, Edward and Bella! It's called Hearts Change.**


	13. The Water

**Okay here we go! I got my computer back but sadly chapter thirteen was the only thing that got lost so I had  
to re-do by memory. It might not be a good as my original chapter thirteen but I guess we'll never no, so I hope  
you like this. **

**There is alot of detail lately but I'm going to lessen it; but detail is essential to this chapter, which  
is a short one - more longer one's coming - but sometimes I keep them short becuase I really want to play  
this story out.**

**Chapter thirteen: The Water**

**

* * *

**

_I did not know where we were, but everything in my line of vision was that of complete darkness. Of course the reasons were right in front of me. The time of day was night, and half the time I kept my eyes shut in fear of what I might open them too. _

_Not even the noises of the night could pinpoint were Victoria was taking me. The only noise I heard was the whipping of the wind that would knock me far away if I had loosened my grip on Victoria at all but Victoria would not have any of that. She was holding on too me in a very possessive way. Ironic, a prey protecting its meal._

_I could not count the minutes or seconds but what felt like forever came to an abrupt stop. My body jerked forward with the stop but Victoria just held on tighter._

_I heard no noise or movement, in a metaphoric sense I felt like I was in a black hole._

_Now that I was able to count the minutes, I counted five to be exact and Victoria was still unmoving but I would not let that give me a glimmer of hope about anything. At any moment she could just surprise me and I'd be dead, just like with Anne Boleyn. The executioner announce's that he needs his sword making Anne think she still has a little time but the sword is closer than she knows; she looks around and BAM she loses her head._

_After several more minutes of nothing Victoria finally moved. I felt the need to cry or yell but I would not give her anymore satisfaction. In one swift movement Victoria stood me up and with the tap of her finger I fell forward and landed with a fierce splash in water…_

I had tripped a few times following my escape from Dr. Morgan's office, but found myself surprisingly focused. I followed my usual pathway to Dr. Morgan's office out but instead going to the corridor were I'd find my room I took a different pathway.

I took the back way to the small yet deserted kitchen, sidestepping tons shelves with food and supplies. There was dust on several of the shelves making want to retch, and regret eating the food here. The kitchen was so dull and depressing it reminded me of a kitchen in horror movies and teen comedies with the unsmiling lunch lady lunch lady and food that is basically slop. The mood only increased my speed to get further away. Once I made it too the end of the kitchen I went through a door into a one-way hallway.

The hallway was too deserted and it was very dark shadowed. Maybe I was really in a horror film. The hallway continued on for a half-minute before expanding into a corridor with rooms. The line-up of the rooms were just like the ones in my corridor but the corridor was still dark. Only lit up with the lights coming from certain rooms. I slowed my pace but keeping my eyes straight a head fearing what I might see if I looked into the other rooms. I would never invade another patient's privacy; you never know what could make things worse when you're in a mental institution.

And of course I had to have intuition when it comes to mental institution, but what happened next I did not predict as rounded to corner of the corridor.

_"DID YOU HEAR THE NOISE?!"_

A man in his early thirties dressed in ripped clothes, his eyes were bloodshot, and he looked like he had not showered or shaven in a week. He stood with his arms curled out to his sides; he looked like a monkey. I was not surprised or scared, I had seen some pretty crazy stuff since I got here.

I lightly smiled at the man and went to walk around him but he had other plans. He grabbed me by the arm and pushed me up against the wall – I _jinxed_ myself by telling myself that I was not scared – tears flowed through my eyes immediately and just like with the many times in my past I feared for my life.

"DID YOU HEAR THE NOSIE?!"

The only thing I could think of doing was playing his game, and getting away from him. It would only be a matter of time before Dr. Morgan would have half the staff searching for me.

"N-No… I did not h-hear anything." I was shaking. He loosed his grip and I took it as an opportunity.

"WHAT!" The man said angrily and looked away from me. I pulled myself forward and brought my right arm up and when the man looked back at me my fist hit his face. The man hit the floor and I ran away from him.

I kept running till I found a stand alone room. I peeked inside, it looked like an office from the seventies but on the plus side there was no one in it. I went inside the room and sat on the floor up against the wall were no one could see me if they looked inside the room. Pulling out the cell phone I stole I dialed my first number.

The woman on the line I dialed answer with a curt a greeting but I pushed that aside.

"Hi, can I please speak to Dr. Carlisle Cullen?"

The woman groaned before asking me too hold. I did not wait very long until a deep voice but yet laid-back voice answered.

"This is Dr. Cullen."

"Carlisle," I said warily. "It's Bella, I need your help."

**

* * *

**

I could only imagine the over done search that was going on to find me inside of Willow Harbor and it made me cringe. I did not know what Dr. Morgan would do once she found me. I could only hope that Carlisle gets here fast.

I made it safely outside of the building and walked down the beach. I started walking in the soft sand then ventured into the wet sand slowly going to the water. The water was cold to my bare feet but warmed up once I got use to it. I kept walking further and further into the water.

It was the first time I got use to water in a long time. Something about it captivated me right now.

_I was drowning into the water before realization set in and with the use of my arms and legs I swam upwards. I felt a bit of claustrophobia in the water right now, so once I breathed in fresh air I began hyperventilating but it was short lived. A pair cold hands pushed me back under…_

The water was inches from touching my face but I just kept staring at it. It was like being dazzled by Edward. I smiled brightly and kept walking into the water that was now cold again. Once the water touched my chin my legs went out and I went under not wanting to come back up.

**Okay, I hope you like this. Like I said I had too do it by memory. **

**I don't know if you know the history about Anne Boleyn but it seemed fitting for the way Bella was feeling in the flashback. The whole thing about Bella feeling claustrophobic in the water I threw in from my own self. I'm not claustrophobic and I love swimming but sometimes when I'm under what I feel claustrophobic! **

**The next chapter really starts things off with Bella's recovery which is not going to be laid-back or easy.**

**Please head to my profile and vote on the poll that has to do with this story, I'd greatly appreciate it.**

**Please leave a review, more frequent updates on the way!!**


	14. Lost

**Thanks for the reviews!!!! I'm really going to try with quicker updates, and I hope with this chapter you amazing reviewers can get me too two hundred reviews!!!!**

**Okay so if there was any confusion with the end of chapter thirteen, I am here to clear it up. Bella was walking by the water, when the water became familiar from when Victoria messed with her, it's like a memory and it's consuming her so she is not in a state of mind… there was never any intention to kill herself.**

**I wanted to write Bella and Carlisle's conversation over the phone but when I wrote it nothing sparked so that's why I left it out. **

**Okay another shorty (I know… GRRR!) but I really want to play this out but would help to say that the chapter fifteen will be a longer one. **

* * *

Chapter fourteen: Lost

_The water was inches from touching my face but I just kept staring at it. It was like being dazzled by Edward. I smiled brightly and kept walking into the water that was now cold again. Once the water touched my chin my legs went out and I went under not wanting to come back up._

My body felt tired as I slowly but surely opened my eyes. My vision was blurred; I shut my eyes again hoping for sleep to take over for a few more hours. The thought was nice, while it lasted.

"Bella," A deep voice echoed. The voice was familiar but not Edward.

"Bella, I know you need your rest but we really need to talk."

Then it all came back to me _"Carlisle," I said warily. "It's Bella, I need your help."_ I shot up from my resting place and came face-to-face with Carlisle.

"Bella are you okay?"

I stared at Carlisle with wide eyes. He actually came. I furthered myself away from the bed but kept my eyes on Carlisle.

"You came…" I looked away from Carlisle and took notice to my other surroundings. A single bed, a stand next to the bed with a lamp and a late nineties version of a telephone. There was a TV across from the bed and a closet near the TV, the room was completed with a mini refrigerator and door which I assumed led to a bathroom; we are in a motel. I asked the obvious anyways.

"Where are we?"

"We are at a motel outside of Seattle." He said in his usual vampire demeanor. Which was no movement or breathing as his vision stayed focused but yet concerned on me.

"How did I get here?"

"You don't remember?" Carlisle finally moved and in one step was standing in front of me. He looked more apprehensive now.

"I remember calling you, telling you I need your help… telling you why I needed help and everything after that is blank."

"It did not take me that long to get to Willow Harbor after you called me. When I arrived I immediately followed your scent. Bella you were on the beach, in the water… Bella you were drowning."

_After several more minutes of nothing Victoria finally moved. I felt the need to cry or yell but I would not give her anymore satisfaction. In one swift movement Victoria stood me up and with the tap of her finger I fell forward and landed with a fierce splash in water…_

"NO!" I yelped and stood up and reached my hands to my head as to block away the memory but instead my warm hands touched my hair which was damp.

I ran my hand through my hair then brought my hand down my neck to touch my shirt; which I just now realized was also damp. I stared at Carlisle in shock looking for some more answers.

"I saved you… I brought you here, and well I was too afraid to change you out of your wet clothes so I just let you sleep. I-"

"What about Dr. Morgan?"

If anything Dr. Morgan should be the one thing pushing me over the edge. I tricked her, stole her cell phone, and most likely due to my action had half the mental institution searching for me right now.

"I took care of Dr. Morgan," He said coldly. "But you are going to have to go back to Willow Harbor."

Not exactly the answer I was looking for but Carlisle was right. I called him for help, to help me so I can get the help I need in Willow Harbor. Though things might not go smoothly once I returned, I could not even imagine what Dr. Morgan thought of me now.

"How did you take care of Dr. Morgan?" I asked wearily.

"It's better if you don't know the details. Let's just say I talked her out of anything drastic." Carlisle smirked at me and I could only assume that it was for my benefit.

"Carlisle-thank you. Thank you for coming. I really do need your help," I felt tears begin to filter in my eyes. "I need help, I REALLY need help. There is no way I can be free of the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…"

Carlisle gasped when I said _Post Traumatic Stress Disorder_ but I pushed that aside because no one except my parents knew why I was in Willow Harbor.

"…I'm going more and more crazy everyday because I'm not getting any help. There is no way I can talk about what happened. I'd be sent to straight jacket if vampires were even mentioned and I would never tell anyone about you and Esme and… _Edward_..."

"If there is one thing I know Bella is that you would never tell anyone our secret." Carlisle seemed proud as he said this.

"If you were planning on telling anyone you would have done it before now."

He was right and no matter were was I was in life I would take there secret with me till death.

"Carlisle… I don't even know were to start… to tell you anything. It is very hard for me. I've only just now started opening up to Dr. Morgan."

Not only was I afraid of telling Carlisle about what Victoria did to me I was afraid of what he might do and with the possibility that he would tell Edward… What would Edward do if he found out?

"Well before we talk about anything can I assume that you'd like to get a shower and change out of you wet clothes?" Carlisle walked away from me and grabbed a duffle bag that sat in front of the closet.

"Alice sent th-"

"Alice!?"

"She is the only one that knows I'm here right now." Carlisle confirmed my fears before I could even think them and was not even a mind reader.

"Okay, just as long as it's Alice."

Carlisle handed me the bag. I looked through it. There was a small variety of stylish clothes, shampoo-conditioner and soap made by brand name that I could not pronounce, a hair brush and a few other necessities.

"Take a shower and freshen up, then we must talk."

I did just that. I stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later smelling like strawberries and some other scent I could not identify but it was nice. It felt good, a change from Willow Harbor were metaphorically no one smelled good.

I brushed my hair and teeth. Then put on some new clothes. Alice had a stylish pair of jeans and three different tops, and a stylish pair of sweat pants. I went for the sweat pants and the simplest shirt. I had to wonder what the look on Alice's face was when she put the sweat pants in the bag. Just thinking about thought also made me sad. There were many things that made me angry with the Cullen's – most of which dealt with Edward, but I missed them a lot.

I missed a lot of the things in life, and being out of Willow Harbor was really getting to me in a good and bad way.

Being away only fueled me to skip everything and just stay away for good but in the end running away would just make things worse.

Lastly I looked in the mirror and despite the new clothes and a very refreshing shower I was still the same. Plain, boring, tired, depressed and most of all… Lost.

**Next chapter on it's way and feel free to berate for the shortness but remember chapter fifteen is a long one.**


End file.
